because it's a no-drama zone

Corey came down, I assumed for Jr's birthday, but when I'd told him he could sign the birthday card, he seemed unaware of the occasion.  Either way, everything seemed to be going fine until last night.  I received a text from Candice stating she was pretty upset with Corey.  Evidently Candice had approached Aaron for a ride home and he gave sort of a dramatic sigh in response.  Aaron had been in the middle of one of his computer games and trying to pull him away from that is like trying to pull teeth.  Candice tells Aaron, “Nevermind, I’ll just take the car.”  That would have been the end, except Corey chimes in, “Uh, that was really messed up what she said Aaron.”  This upsets Candice (and I don’t blame her).  It was a conversation that didn’t involve Corey and he’s really got to learn that if he has nothing nice to say, then he shouldn't say anything at all.

Now, shall I remind you of all the drama Corey has created in the past with his lies?  I really feel that he has had his fair share drama at this point and I am on a zero-tolerance  level with him these days. 

While he was stationed in Afghanistan, he would come home on his R&R and he would say things and tell stories that were completely untrue.  He would walk around saying things without any concern for anyone else’s feelings and with sort of a ‘chip on his shoulder’ attitude.  Roy and I would say very little in response to his behavior as we didn’t want a big dramatic fight with him, only to put him back on a plane to Afghanistan.  Normally, a parent seizes the moment to teach a child how to behave appropriately, to be polite, respectful, honest but, when your child is stationed in a war zone and you don’t know whether or not you’ll ever see him alive again, the priority changes to just keep the peace. 

Corey has finished his tour now and my priority has shifted again.  Laying down the house rules again has been a long time coming, and what do ya know – the door has opened.

Another thing I should get clear, I am not looking to get into a situation between Aaron and Candice that is none of my business.  I have in the past, and Aaron and Candice have let me know that I do need to stay out of “it” and honestly, I agree.  Life is so much simpler that way too.  What I do want to do is inform Corey that there will be no more dramatics, lies, instigating fights in the house anymore.  I want him to remember, whether it’s faked or not, he needs to show respect to me and Roy in our home.

So, I go into the room where Corey and Aaron are playing on their computers and ask what happened.  I want to know their version of events before saying anything.  You know, get it clear before I go assuming one side of the story.  Corey turns in his chair to face me and tells me the exact same thing as Candice had said in her text.  Then, I ask Corey why he felt he should have gotten involved or said anything.  I believe this put him off guard and he turned back to his computer saying, "whatever".  I inform him that if the situation doesn't involve him, he needs to stay out of it.  I told him that in my home we are not going to tolerate (anymore) any disrespect or instigating fights or drama.  He responds by saying that I am the one starting shit and accusing me of not being open to any other scenario.  I remind him that I had entered the room asking for their side of the story first - but this doesn’t sway him.  He’s already got his back up and continues to accuse me of starting shit.  I again tell him that in my house he’s going to have to show respect and that I’m very sensitive to his drama and lies because of all of the problems in the past that he had caused (I am referring to his mother threatening to have her family, who is in the Mexican Mafia, do a “hit” on us because of the things Corey had told her – all of which were exaggerations and lies).  If she hadn’t had such a deep hatred for me for the past 15 years, and if she hadn’t had family in the Mexican Mafia (and a cousin currently in prison for murder), I likely would have taken this as a “mother bear” spouting empty threats - but the facts remain.

As the disrespect continued and tensions rise, I tell Corey if he’s not going to show respect to me in my home then he will have to leave, but if he can abide by the no-drama zone rules then he can stay.  He begins gathering his things.

I go to my room to tell Roy what is happening and try to relax, but I don’t want Corey to leave without giving this all I can; so I go back.  He’s headed for the door and I ask him, “does this mean you can’t show me respect?”  He responds that I am just trying to start shit again.  I tell him again that he can stay if he can show respect and not instigate fights.  He leaves.

*

Hence the texts below,

Me (8/5/2012 @ 1:01a):

“As I said Corey, you are welcome as long as you can be respectful and not instigate. 

But you were being disrespectful to me in my home - and you were extremely ugly to me and your dad about the car before leaving for Afghanistan too.

It was unnecessary the way you talked to us/me. You need to be able to talk without being disrespectful.

You need to acknowledge that you put your 2 cents in a conversation between Aaron and Candice that you should have stayed out of. Maybe you realize that now.

Your dad and I have walked on eggshells around you because we wanted to avoid a fight, but this is our home and we are not going to allow you to come here and start problems and be rude again.”

COREY (8/5/2012 @ 1:15a):

“Nah it's koo I got my own crib. Yeah lying to me about not driving my car then complaining because I wouldn't let y'all drive my car when im gone damn right I'm going to be disrespectful, I said one thing as a joke only think I realize is people cant take a joke. I don't give a flying fuck if it's your house or not a little something I learned growing up, treat others the way you want to be treated. U want to be  disrespectful then expect me to bite my tongue? Hah! Treated how u treated me and now you don't like it. Hahaha. Maybe ull think twice before u make stupid ass comments. Maybe u realize that now.”

ME (8/5/2012 @ 1:32a):

“Corey, you've got a lot of growing up to do..... I'm disappointed.

But I can't have you in the house until you can communicate with me in a respectful and honest way because you've caused a lot of problems with your lies. 

You'll be in my prayers.”

COREY (8/5/2012 @ 1:36a):

“Yep obviously growing up in your house isn't good enough it takes me getting out on my own to pick up the slack. Lmao with my Lies? Ahahaha I got nothing to lie about. Do yourself a favor a pray for yourself. You need it.”

*

So, I really feel the texts speak for themselves.  It's sad really because he obviously has not made it to that mindset or maturity where he can accept responsibility for his actions.  He's always played the "victim card" and he seems to enjoy the attention and sympathy he gets from it.  Personally, that's a weakness in my eyes - maybe because I have been there in my life too.  And just as I learned to take responsibility and experienced the negativity melt away, I don't believe that he will truly be free of the negative drama until he can take responsibility for it.  I don't know if he ever will.

one door closes - another opens

Rumor at the beginning of the week was the company Aaron works for was in lay-off mode.  Today, Aaron was informed he was one of the "unfortunate".  That being said the company states that business is simply slowing down and they had to let go of the last hires but would look for another position for him with the company.  That's nice.

Aaron, however, is doing wonderful.  He had been interested in leaving this company but had not followed through with it for fear of loosing the stability.

Forced into it now, he is embracing his hearts desire and is looking into college computer classes.  I am relieved and proud for him.  His attitude is to be admired.  And computer technology is right up his alley.  He'll do well no doubt.

God that kid makes me proud! ♥

Conquering Orlando!

Went in to the bank today at lunch and signed papers to dispute the Orlando charges.

The bank manager states that they've seen this a lot and mine looks typical - promises all monies in my bank account today!!

Very pleased. =)

Orlando's Invasion - part II

Well, I went in to the bank today during my lunch hour and spoke with a bank officer there who reassures me again that this will all get worked out and I will be taken care of.  This is day 3 and today I was given a new debt/credit card. 

I realize that I may never fully understand exactly how this was able to happen, but I am told that the perpetrator made his/her own card using my number.  My account with the bank, however, is secure and has not been hacked - it's more of a fake credit card scheme.

The charges on the account were all described as "pre-authorized" and this is how it appears on the online statement.  Once the transaction has "hard lined" or processed through the account, the description changes to show that the debit has been officially withdrawn from the account.  As I discovered this fraud the very next day of the occurrence, I was hoping that we would have stopped the transactions before they processed out of the account.  We didn't.

So now, my next step is to meet with our personal account manager and let her know that we are disputing those charges.  I am supposing it's at this step that my paperwork starts and I understand it may take 10 business days for the bank to credit my account.  The good news is the bank covered the two bills I had paid out of the account prior to this incident and they will refund any NSF charges I receive.

The bank officer also informed me that this is actually a common occurrence and she states it is often out of Orlando, Florida with charges that appear to be transferring money onto gift cards or store bought credit cards.  It is up to the credit card company to pursue criminal charges and I will likely never know the outcome of that.

Biting my Nails

I'm sitting up in bed - still.

Nerves are kicking in now about my meeting at the bank this afternoon.

please let there be good news - please let there be good news - please let there be good news

I haven't posted anything to Facebook about my stolen money as I find this a bit embarrassing that this happened to us... although, I'm not sure why.

Well, Roy and I are (somewhat) pretty private people anyway.

Swelly Belly

Post-op update, I'm experiencing what's been referred to as "swelly belly". It's awful. It seems to hit me most after a meal - even a very small meal.  My tummy gets very hard and bloated.  It can be very painful and I will feel as if I'm 8 months pregnant. I pop Phazyme and GasX but relief is still slow to come. Almost makes me want to stop eating all together except that too is miserable. But the incisions are healing nicely and I massage Mederma into each one daily.

An article > about it here < on Hystersisters.

On another note - my God my marriage is so wonderful!!! I just can't express how completely happy we are.  He is so attentive and sweet. He's always had a difficult time expressing himself but he's working on that and it's going really well.  He tells me he loves me all throughout the day and out of no where.  We are just so happy and inlove.

Orlando's Invasion

I deposited my paycheck and by that very afternoon someone in Orlando, Florida had cleaned out my account.

Discovered this the following day and spoke with a bank officer.  It seems they intend to take care of me one way or the other.

Waiting patiently for Thursday when I am scheduled to go in to the bank to pick up new cards and find out if the businesses (Seven-11 and CVS) are going to reimburse me.

Rounding Another Corner

Okay, so I'm going to have to get my head wrapped around this new phase in our lives.  We have three older boys - "adults": Jr (24), Aaron (22), and Corey (20)

Jr and Corey are back from Afghanistan and we can finally revel in the relief that they are both safe and sound... at least physically.  Jr had a really tough time over there and he has a lot to get his head wrapped around as well - but otherwise, he is okay.  He and his girlfriend, Paige, are now working on a new phase - life after Army.  They are staying with us until they have everything in place to move out.

Aaron though!! Aaron is so wonderful!! Finally! All those years of drama and anxiety have finally come to an end. He is the epitome of what we hope for all the boys.  He's got a fantastic job, making lots of money, building up his savings quite nicely, attends church regularly, has a beautiful, sweet, sweet girlfriend - things really couldn't be better for him.  And once he and his girlfriend finally tie the knot - it's going to be the occasion of the century - they are doing it RIGHT! It's SO nice not to worry about him for a change.

Corey.... uhhh, Corey.... well, he's still as immature as they come.  His mentality is just "out there" - appearing to be a bit on the angry thuggish side - sigh... his mother's side.  He talks so much smack and there is no reasoning with him.  He only wants to hear what he wants to hear - say anything else and he'll snap your head off.  We've walked on eggshells around him because he'd come home for a short time only to turn around and go back to Afghanistan.  We didn't want to argue and then send him back into a war zone.  But there was the one occasion, when Corey had fussed at us for using his car.  It seems his "friends" had informed him that they had seen us driving all over town in it.  - Not true. - For the record, I had only been in that car once - at most.  We have our vehicle we drive it on a regular basis - not Corey's.  His daddy did drive Corey's car to and from work, but only to keep the motor running and he'd thought that was the understanding between them.  Corey waited to approach us about it until just before getting on the plane, berating us with a complete disrespect.  He didn't even try to talk rationally and maturely about it.  We didn't say much - walking on glass to avoid any further unnecessary argument before sending him back into a war zone.  He hid the keys to ensure himself that we wouldn't use it again.  Then got on the plane - everyone walking away upset.  His dad took it so hard (I've rarely seen him get so choked up before - shame on you Corey *smh*).  

Ultimately, his dad didn't touch the damn car after that.  And I wish I would have taken a picture of all the pollen built up on that vehicle while Corey was gone.  

And then Corey comes home from Afghanistan, for good. And! He wants a favor! He wants us to drive his car up to the base and leave it there for him! Well, the car did not start. (Surprise! Surprise!) So, dad puts it on the charger until it does.  (Candice later informs me that Corey thought we were lying to him about his car not starting. He is so ridiculous sometimes! *rolls eyes*)  Still, he didn't get to learn his lesson. I wish - I WISH - his dad had not put the car to charge so Corey could have seen for himself! Regardless, we didn't take the car to Corey as Roy and I both had to work (and Corey had given us only a moments notice, literally - he just called and said come now!). I just keep hoping one day Corey will grow up - but if he is anything like his mother (and he is), then it's a crap shoot.

Anyway, the real meat of this post - when Corey posted some "tough" talk about getting a speeding ticket and dealing with the police officer, his daddy responded with some very light guidance which Corey responded to somewhat disrespectfully.  Here, I'll put it specifically so that it will speak for itself:

7/16/12, 2:52p

Corey:  "i swear if i get pulled over one more fuckin time and the sheriffs are a smartass to me again im goin to lose it."

Dad: "Corey thats one thing when u have a car like tht it comes with the territory there doing job its just some people with cars like urs put a bad rapp fof everyone and i know u got a heavy foot so take it easy u dnt need to lose it and make things worse cuz u wont win o cooperate with laws!! Ive seen friends lose everything in snap!! So easy and enjoy ur Rad Ride!!!"

Corey: "before the work zone the speed limit was 70, the work zone was 60, so i figure ok after the work zone is over the speed limit would go back to what it was before wouldnt it? but no i guess not, so it would help if they fuckin posted a speed limit sign after the work zone. i dont speed i set my cruise control to whatever the fuck the sign says for jackasses like that. ive seen people rollover from speeding in afghanistan and we even lost a guy due to speeding so i dont need a reminder of how you can lose everything because of speeding but thanks."

Corey: "but hey if they are goin to take me down ill be sure to take one down with me."

* 

So, what does that meeean?? It's obvious to me that Corey only wants to hear what Corey wants to hear. 

I sit and think about this and I come to realize that the boys aren't asking for our opinions.  So, unless they ask for it - don't give it. I mean, I remember when I was their age,  getting my mother's (unwelcome) input (and I already knew what to expect from her). Her input simply put me off as well. We've got to trust that we've taught them and they know what's right and what's wrong. They're just stupid shits sometimes, that's all - we all were.  

So, this new phase, we've got to disconnect enough to let them do their thing. They'll learn the hard way too - same way we did.  

Then, if and when they come crying to us for help, we deal with it accordingly.  "Accordingly" being key...   the ol' give a man a fish or teach a man to fish thing.

self-inflicting emotional distress

What makes me put that which pains me in front of me to stare at? ...wallow in it?

I recently heard that Rielle Hunter states in her book What Really Happened, that Elizabeth Edwards had found a photo of her husband, John, staring lovingly at Rielle (John's slut-mistress).  And while this photo caused Elizabeth such great pain - she saved it as her computer screen saver so that she could see it over and over and over...

Now, don't get me wrong, I am NOT a Rielle Hunter fan nor do I put much merit on what she states - I simply relate to the accounting because I see myself doing the same sort of things.  Things that stress me or cause me great pain - I keep.

Why? ¯\_(ʘ_ʘ)_/¯

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Note:

For those of you who do not know who the above stated people are; John Edwards ran for president in 2008.  It was later discovered that he had an affair with Rielle Hunter (who became pregnant and eventually had John Edwards' baby).  John Edwards was married to Elizabeth Edwards at the time (who passed away from cancer in December 2010). 

4th of July

For the past couple of years, we have begun celebrating the 4th of July at my sister's home.  I think I've already told you that she has quite a bit of property and nice home layout for entertaining large groups.  This year was no different. A buffet of yummy snacks with friends and family made for a very nice time.  This year, however, I am still healing from my hysterectomy and while I am certainly not suffering much at all, I do tire quickly, so I planned to make this a short celebration.  This year, Candice, who in past years was unable to make these parties, was escorted in by Aaron! I was excited to see her there (I do enjoy showing her off).  Roy, however, had to work and Wolfie was more interested in his computer games and stayed home - so it was just me and my baby girl this year. 

I'm a picky eater. I have been since I was in diapers.  And I'm not very interested in trying new foods - my theory is that if I find something new to love, it will only be one more thing I have to try to avoid eating too much of  - cest la vie.  My sister, Brenda, who loves to cook and very creatively too, was attempting to coax me into trying one of her weird concoctions which I adamantly declined leading us into a conversation about whether or not it's a good idea to force children to eat foods that they don't care for.  

I was telling the story of my mother (who was also sitting with us at this time) and how she had gone through a period of trying to "force" me into eating things I didn't want. I remember sitting in front of the television watching cartoons with the biggest glass of Kool-aid and a dreaded peanut butter sandwich.  Take a bite - wash it down like a pill.  Take a bite  -don't chew - and just wash it down.  This went on until the sandwich was just about gone.  I recall another time, sitting at the family table, my father insisting that I eat the mashed potatoes.  I sat there talking myself into it - "Karen, it's only mashed potatoes!!"  Nope.  One swallow and then up they came.  Dad was so frustrated.  My mother visited with the doctor about my eating habits, and he reassured her that I was getting all the nutrients I needed - I was healthy, so no worries.  And so mom came to the mindset that it simply wasn't a battle she wanted to pick anymore, and that children should not grow up experiencing the act of eating as upsetting and traumatic.  Thereafter, she would cook for the family and, if it was something I didn't care for, I would get a plate of meatballs with ketchup (or whatever).  I've always been a pretty good meat-eater, so usually I would have the meats without all the sides.  No big deal.  Right?  

So, my sister, Brenda, states that I "should have been forced to eat everything", and my son, Aaron, agrees.  I, however, defend my mother's choice (thanking her again), letting her know that I was in agreement with her decision and have obliged my own children in the same fashion.  Then I brought up that I was known for going to FIVE different places to pick up fast food so that everyone in my home could eat exactly what they were craving that day - and they were happy for it too! And my son, who at this moment was siding with my sis,  had also been happy that I had obliged him. Candice comes to my rescue with confirmation that I had in fact bent over backwards at times to appease everyone's cravings - and that she too was thankful for it.  (I telepathically squeeze and kiss her.)  

All this isn't to say one way is right and the other is wrong - I suppose it's just to say I don't think I was wrong in the way I handled it.  It's the way our family ran and it worked.  I suppose if it had been too inconvenient for me, I made everyone choose one place to eat from or I made dinner and they ate what they wanted from it or found something else.  

I turned to Aaron and ask him how he might have felt had I forced him to eat those things that he didn't care for and I'm sure he mulled it over quietly, despite his response.  But later, Aaron was eating one of my sister's creative appetizers, leaving the bread as he didn't care for that part.  Opportunity presents itself!  And I chide (as I grin from ear to ear), "No. It doesn't matter if you like it or not, you need to eat it all." (As if to "force" him into eating something he did not like.)  He grinned too - "getting it" - and he ate it all, in spite of himself.  Funny.

back to work

Yesterday was my first day back at work since the hysterectomy! I was wide awake then and feeling great! Today, uhmmm, not so much. Seems I'll tire quickly through the week.  Tomorrow is holiday - so that's nice.  Still popping pain meds, not so much for pain but the distracting tenderness.  I only pop them for work as I must have my head in the game at work.

Good grief?

Today I got a glimpse into a woman’s life.  She has been distraught after the unexpected deaths of both of her sons (two separate incidences).  She dropped off her diary with us and I reviewed a few pages.  I feel blessed for having that opportunity.  It makes me think.... 

I thought about people’s hidden sorrows.  If you met this woman on the street, she is lively and friendly, one would never know her pain.  Earth is the Hell, isn’t it.  People can be so stricken with sadness here… some even look for it, some even embrace it!  What is it all for?

I recall working a case where two young boys (about ages 7 and 9) were killed in a house fire.  I remember looking over the photographs of the scene… their small, charred bodies had curled into fetal positions.  What were they thinking as they tried to hide from the heat?  Had God pulled their spirit from them early so as to spare them the terror and pain? 

To walk through life carrying all the events which (we) either endured personally or witnessed from another perspective, and the grief can weigh (us) down. 

Being in the “Now” can seem so emotional at times - can you be too in the “Now”?

I think about all the stress around me now.  It isn’t happening to me – but to people I care about and love… so I still stress – I stress for them.

So, we are here to learn from it all – education through experience.  And we’re here to help each other… and I find myself wishing I had pursued my passion (psychology) – I would have loved to reach people in that way.  I’m 44 now – too late for me. 

Wolf's 14 bday

A SIX FLAGS GET-A-WAY!

 For Wolfie's 14th birthday Roy and I decided we were long past due for an outing.  Aaron having purchased season passes for Six Flags for the past three years, volunteered the idea of going there and stated that he would buy Wolfie a season pass as his birthday gift to him.  It was a winning idea.

Consequently, we went all out inviting Jr, Corey, cousin Collin, and Candice's sister, Iris along - 10 people in tow all together!

Anticipating the high cost of drinks, we handed out bottled water before entering the park.  Candice isn’t much for the scarier rollercoaster rides but she and Iris were interested in the Roadrunner, so after a lot of persuading, we got Drew on it as well.  She cried the entire time and I held her and hovered over her as much as possible to try to make her feel safer.  I believe I walked away with some whiplash for not sitting properly and being jerked around so much.  Roy, Aaron, Iris and I rode the Rattler (an old wooden rollercoaster that truly lives up to its scary reputation), and at the top of one of the highest, steepest drops, my reaction, just before reeling over the edge, was to immediately ask for forgiveness from Roy for anything and everything (haha). I understand that they’ll be shutting down this ride this year – so we rode just in time - a good memory.)

We rode several more rides, stopping to eat and rehydrate, and then took a break in the lazy river.  It was at this point that Wolfie and Collin decided to make a break for it and run off on their own.  We designated a meeting place and time and then they were off.

The lazy river was ridiculously packed and people were crazy rude, even grabbing inner tubes out of the hands of the people who were using them.  Quickly disenchanted we left to search for other rides. 

It wasn’t long before we ran into Wolfie and Collin along with Jr and Corey.  They were all in desperate need of drink so we purchased them each a cola.  Wolfie was especially exhausted and we decided to make our way to the pool so he could cool off.  He could barely walk and clung to me for support.  We stopped at a table in the shade to let him rest and talked to him about his symptoms.  It was clear he was extremely dehydrated when he asked for a wheelchair as he did not feel he could walk any further; with that, we really began to worry about him.  My boys, all of them, would never ride in a wheelchair (it would be far too embarrassing for them), so this was a definite sign of the seriousness of his condition.

Roy retrieved a wheelchair and we rolled him to the pool, getting him more water and ice and setting in the shade – he simply couldn’t make himself to the water to sit in it or dip his feet. 

By now, it was close to 7:00 p.m. and we decided that we would wrap up the day already.  We offered for Collin to stay with the older boys but he declined; and as it turned out, the older boys were all ready to call it a night as well.

Jr and Aaron were quite concerned for Wolfie as well, and at their urging we had a park medic look at him before getting on the highway home.  The medic talked to him a bit and then gave us the thumbs up to get on the road with him.

Happy birthday baby boy - truly a birthday to remember! =)

Kaitlyn's grad party

Katelyn’s graduation party was held at a beautiful local creek.  Her mother (my sister), Brenda, went all out on food and decorations and everything was delicious and festive!  

The weather could not have been better.  

It was a super nice, relaxing time.  

Only me and Drew went as Roy had to work and Wolfie was more interested in his games.

Drew enjoyed the water with Rachael and hunting for shells, then counting them out.

Brenda has lost so much weight since her surgery and while I’ve always thought she was beautiful – no matter her weight, she is looking so good today and I’m happier she is getting to a healthier weight.

RECIPE!!

3 rolls sugar cookies cut into 12 slices 

then cut in half to make 24 pieces each roll. 

Roll into a ball and place in PAM'd mini muffin pan. 

Bake at 350 degrees for 12-14 minutes or until done. 

When you take them out use a...

melon baller scoop or the end of a handle 

to make the indentation for the filling and let cool. 

For the filling: 

Beat together 1 pkg cream cheese & 

16 oz cool whip (both at room temperature), 

6 Tbsp lime juice (or juice & zest from 2 lg limes), 

4 Tbsp powdered sugar. 

Spoon into a gallon baggie and clip the corner, 

squeeze into the cookie cups (after you've removed 

them to a tray, otherwise it's a pain to try and dig them

the "girls"

I received the results from the mammogram today in the mail. It stated everything was normal.

Funny how my heart sank.

I did not wish for cancer, of course - but some sort of abnormality (lol) that would require the "girls" removal or better yet - reduction....

In a perfect world, for me - a small A-cup!