Beautiful Drew

Getting in some Christmas shopping with Drew. 

She needs these don't ya think!

Slim Your Stomach Yoga Poses

Take a break from crunches and get the flat belly you want with yoga. As you work through these yoga poses, you'll engage your core muscles and concentrate on balance and breathing. If you can't hold a pose for very long, don't worry. You'll build strength each time. Just do as much as you can and work up to holding each pose for 10 breaths.

Straight Leg Lift and Lower, Part 1

1. Lie on your back and place a block between your upper thighs.

2. Bring your legs straight up to the ceiling and flex your feet.

3. Keep your lower back pressed firmly into the ground.

Hint: If you don't have a block, try using a sturdy throw pillow.

Straight Leg Lift and Lower, Part 2

1. From the position above, start to lower your legs toward the ground.

2. Only lower them as far as you can, keeping the lower back flat on the ground. If you drop your legs all the way down and your lower back pops up, this move loses its ab-strengthening power and can strain the lower back.

3. Repeat 10 times.

Spine Massage Roll-Ups

1. Stay on your back and bring your legs straight up. Think of this move as a massage for the spine rather than an abdominal exercise.

2. Bring your feet over your head, rolling on your spine slowly until your feet touch the ground behind you. If this is too much on your spine or neck, only bring your feet as far as you can without feeling pain in your back.

3. Return your feet to the straight-up position.

4. Repeat 10 times.

Rocking Boat

1. Come into Boat Pose with bent knees.

2. Tip your knees to one side and then the other. Try to keep the motion steady.

3. Keep breathing and repeat 10 times.

Boat Pose: a. Sit with your knees bent, feet flat on the floor. b. Hold on to your legs under thighs, grabbing just above the knees. Lean back slightly. c. Raise your feet off the floor and press them together. Lift your feet until your shins are parallel to the floor. d. Extend your arms straight in front of you to shoulder height, palms up.

Bent-Leg Boat Raise and Lower

1. Come back into Boat Pose.

2. Lower your torso and legs toward the floor, hovering just above the floor. Bring the whole thing back up into Boat Pose.

3. Repeat 10 times.

Modified Wheel Pose: 

1. Lie on your back and give your abs a nice stretch in the opposite direction. Interlace your hands underneath your lower back and press your hips up into a Modified Wheel Pose.

2. Keep breathing and try to back slightly off your fullest possible pose. This will ease the strain and train your body and brain to stick with poses longer.

Modified Wheel Pose: a. Lie on your back, feet flat on the floor, palms down. b. Lift your hips and torso off the floor, pressing into your palms and feet. c. Interlace your hands and press your shoulders and upper arms into the floor. Lift your hips higher toward the ceiling. d. Hold for 10 breaths. Lower your glutes back to the floor, and separate your arms.

One-Minute Plank Pose

1. Come into Plank Pose.

2. Try holding this position for 1 minute. You'll feel this in your abs as well as the whole body.

3. Keep focused on your abs so you can keep the entire body in one strong line.

Plank Pose: a. Get into a push-up position: Hands are shoulder-width apart, feet are hip-width apart, and your heels, ankles, butt, spine, shoulders, neck, and head should be in one long line. b. Bend your elbows to lower your body, keeping your elbows hugged into your ribs.

Upward Dog Stretch

1. Lie face down, the tops of your feet on the mat. Bend your elbows and place your palms on the floor beside your lower ribs.

2. Push up, straightening your arms without locking your elbows, and lift your upper legs and torso into the air.

3. Arch your chest upward, lifting the sternum. Keep elbows in, close to your sides. The main purpose of the pose is to give your abs a nice stretch, so breathe deep and enjoy your hard work.

Hint: Roll your shoulders back.

Cut and pasted from this link 

No-Bake Chocolate-Peanut Butter Cookies

No-Bake Chocolate-Peanut Butter Cookies
By Food & Wine

These incredible crumbly, ultra-peanutty cookies require only four ingredients and no baking! Cut and pasted from this → link.

INGREDIENTS
4 cups sweetened puffed-corn cereal like Corn Pops (4 ounces)
4 large peanut butter cups (3 ounces each)
1/2 cup creamy peanut butter
About 3/4 cup chocolate sprinkles

DIRECTIONS
1. In a food processor, grind 3 cups of the corn cereal to a powder. Add the peanut butter cups and peanut butter and process until the mixture is glossy and comes together, about 2 minutes. Add the remaining 1 cup of corn cereal and process until very finely chopped and the mixture just holds together; you should still see small flecks of cereal.

2. Roll the mixture into a 9-inch log and wrap in plastic. Roll the log back and forth until smooth. Unwrap the log and spread the chocolate sprinkles on the plastic wrap. Roll the log in the sprinkles, pressing to help them adhere. Wrap and refrigerate for 15 minutes.

3. Cut the log into 18 pieces and roll the edges in any leftover sprinkles. Serve.

Make Ahead The sliced cookies can be refrigerated for up to 5 days.

Creating new Christmas traditions

This is likely the first year ever that I began my Christmas shopping in November!  It felt great - in the beginning; I was ahead of the game and feeling all too generous.  And then, I realized, I was being all too generous.

I am less than a week away from the big day now and the stress has settled in as I am still not finished with my shopping and sick of spending so much money. And our family is only growing larger so I'm stressing over all the Christmas' to come too! 

For the past several years, our Christmas' are spent racing through our own gift exchange, racing to my sister's home for a family get together and gift exchange, racing to my husband's parents for their family get together and gift exchange, and finally racing home to relax.  However, for me, growing up, we celebrated Christmas at our own home and relaxed and played all day.  I suppose our family get-togethers were done Christmas Eve or in the days after.  

I'm a little worried about breaking the news to my family but I feel a change coming on.  As my own family grows, the need to have our own holiday celebrations at home also grows. Unfortunately, having our own Christmas on Christmas Eve is not an option because my husband works every Christmas Eve night, coming home early on Christmas he fights sleep throughout Christmas day.

In addition, I need to get a handle on the Christmas spending; it's just way out of hand.  So, I'm surfing the net for ideas and came across the following which I really liked a lot.

1) Secret Santa/Draw names. Everyone's name goes in the "pot" and each person draws one name to buy for. For added fun, the results can be kept secret and the gifts labeled "From your Secret Santa". Add a low price limit across the board to ensure fairness and ease stress. This is much easier on everyone's pocketbook, and we already do this for my husband's family get-together. It's much nicer to focus on finding that one special gift for a specific someone, rather than stressing over finding something special for so many. I recently suggested that next year we might have each person make a wish list next year, with the instruction that they will only be receiving one item from it. This will keep their lists to a minimum, naming only those things they truly desire.

2) The Elephant Game. Each person brings one (unlabeled) gift and places it under the tree (again, a low price limit can be assigned across the board to ensure fairness and discourage real fighting over a gift).  Person #1 chooses a gift and opens it.  Person #2 gets the option of choosing a gift from under the tree or "stealing" the gift from Person #1. Person #3 then gets the option of choosing a gift from under the tree or "stealing" the gift from the first two persons, so on and so on. Once a gift has been stolen three times, it's off limits.

3) The themed Christmas. This makes finding a gift less painful.  Some theme ideas might be:

  a) Recipes: Help build a cookbook for your loved ones by swapping your favorite recipe.  Add to the interest, by preparing your meal to share on Christmas. It can be broad or narrowed down further by cuisine.

  b) Magazine Subscriptions: A fun gift that keeps on giving. On the night of the exchanges, bring along the current issue of the magazine wrapped with a bow.

  c) Books and/or DVDs: Help loved one's build there library of books or movies. 

4) This game requires a $50.00 bill (more or less, or gift card, whatever) which is wrapped, rewrapped, and rewrapped again, all very tightly, a Santa hat and gloves, and dice.  Begin by passing the dice around the table, each person given one chance to roll doubles and then passing to their neighbor. The first person to roll doubles begins by putting on the Santa hat and gloves and then attempting to unwrap the prize (all the while, the other players are passing the dice around rolling the dice once and trying to get doubles). Once another player finally rolls doubles, they must then sport the Santa hat and gloves and then make their unwrapping attempt. This process of desperately trying to roll doubles and unwrap the prize continues until the last person is able to reach the prize inside - this person gets to keep the prize! This is a fast paced game with a little silliness added for fun and laughter. Obviously, it is important that the prize be wrapped A LOT and tightly making it difficult to unwrapped with gloved hands. 

5) Write a letter. Rather than purchasing items, why not express your love in the long lost art of your own handwriting.  But this may be one gift that is sure to have tears flowing.

6) Serve others. Have each family member purchase a toy for a less fortunate child. There are several organizations in the area that make there way around handing them out to children who would have nothing. Maybe purchase a small tree and a few decorations for a family that can't afford one. Or volunteer your time for a charity.

*

I suppose children are born egocentric, and some seem to never grow out of it. I do believe that it is a parental responsibility to guide their children into more generous and selfless behaviors. With our two youngest, we have made it a priority to "donate" some of our income so that they can purchase gifts for their loved ones and enjoy the gift of giving too. They are so delighted to see the reactions from everyone opening the gift the chose special for them. This is something we did not do with our three oldest sons. I suppose we wanted to be certain they received what they hoped for and many times those items were very pricey and our income/budget was much lower then. Either way, all of my kiddos have very giving natures. Now that my soldiers are both back in the states, I get to look forward to Christmas with all of them. 

I'm thinking about making some enchiladas...

Cats play patty-cake

The Demise of Healthy Articulation

In the news today, I read an article about a father's letter to his children reprimanding their life choices/paths. It follows:

Disappointing, although not surprising, to see that his children have responded by "biting back" rather than seizing the moment to shine.  However, I do not know what their personal circumstances are, whether there is a total disrespect for their parents, or whether their parents are overly judgmental and harsh on their children, etc. My response is regardless of their circumstances as my response is, of course, personally subjective. I applaud Mr. Crews', simply for his very articulate reprimand because it could apply to so many people today. It is very apparent, to me, in this letter that Mr. Crews' loves his children and holds them in very high regard, maybe more so than they hold themselves; otherwise, a parent doesn't take this sort of time, initiative, and "gamble" with the relationship to make these expressions of higher expectations. It seems to me that there are more and more parents who fail to communicate to their children for fear of upsetting their child (I know one of these parents very personally). They are more worried about being friends with their children than parenting and guiding them. But I too am guilty of carefully tip-toeing through my words so as to express them without offending my child, only to wonder later about whether or not it was effectively received. What has happened to the days when a parent was comfortable enough in their relationship with their child to express their frustration in conjunction with the corresponding emotion(s), and maybe even administer the spanking or punishment as deemed appropriate. 

In my work as a legal assistant in a law firm which specializes in criminal law, I see, far too often, parents who have not spent the time and effort guiding, educating, admonishing, and communicating high expectation for their children. It's not until their child is in trouble with the law and sitting in jail that they make their "parental" presence known. And then I find myself completely stunned by a parent who behaves in that way that you should not want your child to behave. These arrogant parents boast intimidating and violent threats which are then mimicked by their children, and then they all are completely puzzled as to why all of the negative energy is focused on them.

So many "crybabies" embracing their self-proclaimed victimness rather than responding to their oppositions, transgressors, and criticisms with a kindness, open-mindedness, honesty, and general sweetness that transcends the seemingly "natural" response of aggression.  

Are we raising a world of tyrannical heirs waiving victim cards? It can be attractive to a young person who finds him/herself reprimanded by family or parents, to search out sympathizing enablors who, without much question or factual knowledge, validate via empathy. Can this be a good thing? Why not the more gallant but more difficult to muster response which also echos it's support group? It's unfortunate that we may never have the entire world on our side, but which pasture of patrons do you prefer?

This brings to mind a Facebook friend who expressed a desire to say what was truly on her mind rather than biting her tongue over and over again. Have you ever "turned the other cheek" only to be haunted later by a feeling that you were not "true to yourself"? Wondering maybe, if you had spouted the initial negatively articulated admonishment you longed to get off your chest, that you would feel more vindicated? And then, in the alternative, have you ever found yourself having spouted spite only to regret this too in shame? Rather to sit a spell, gather your emotions, concerns, and effective words so as to express yourself in a more responsible, respectable, and receptive manner. 

Often times the best and more rewarded response is the hardest one to muster.  

As Strother Martin famously drawls in Cool Hand Luke, "What we got here is failure to communicate."

Thanksgiving 2012

I was outside taking pictures of my darling daughter when Corey arrived. We paused our photo shoot to welcome him. Most of us were already dressed and just about to head for my sister's home. As we had not heard a peep from Jr yet, I suggested to Corey that he give the door a rap to wake him and then they could come together. He agreed.

Aaron is gone with Candice today. Every year, they attend a religious rally. This year it's in Austin and they traveled caravan-style with a rather large group from their church. It's good for them and so, it doesn't bother me that I do not get to spend this holiday with them. Their needs before my own.

We were at my sister's for at least an hour when Corey showed up - alone. Jr refused to come out of the room. Later, he informs us that it was because Paige had insisted he stay there in his room. Who does that? What is wrong with that girl? I don't get her. But during his rant, he acknowledged his frustration with her double-standard behavior. (She has gone to be with her family for a wedding and the holidays - and isn't even certain that she wants to return to him.) However, I do acknowledge that Jr is just as responsible for this because he is allowing her to have that kind of control over him. It's an unnecessary desperation in him to make a family. He's such a sucker for a family, but that's not really a bad thing - unless you're with a ridiculously irrational girl.

It was a nice visit with family, albeit rushed. The food was the usual creative stuff, so Wolfie and Drew didn't eat much (nor did I). From there we went to Roy's parents' home to visit and eat. And again, the food was nothing the kids nor I would dig-in to (and we witnessed a fly commit suicide in the rice which discouraged any appetite we may have had).  Consequently, when we finally arrived home, we were all starving; I popped some pizzas in the oven. Pizza for Thanksgiving. I'll have to plan this out differently next year. 

It puts me on Cloud 9

My son, Aaron, sent me a text saying, "Call me."  And so, I did.

"What's up?", I ask.

"I'm upset" he replies.

His disc drive isn't recognizing any discs right now.  For an inexpensive computer, this wouldn't be a surprise to me - but, a little over a year ago, he worked his tail off, saved, researched computer options, even made telephone calls to retailers inquiring about their product and, finally, purchased this one for around 2-2,500 dollars, so his distress is well warranted.

I immediately started my internet search regarding the problem and found a Microsoft support site with a possible fix, and emailed it to him.  Trying to pacify him, I offered this support and suggested he begin by doing his own investigating on the net for simple fixes.  He believes he purchased extra warranty, and plans to look for that paperwork - maybe give them a call.  I assured him it will get fixed and I will help all I can, as this computer is too pricey to just let it go at this point.  He said, "okay" and got off the phone.  I hope I gave him some small peace of mind, but I know, firsthand, how extremely stressful this is for him.  However, I also know the computer isn't "trashed", it will be inconvenient and frustrating to get it fixed (one way or the other) but it will still be saved.

And I'm smiling - because my son called me for support when he was upset.  I love when they come to me.

10-2012 Kids Photos

Dragged my lovely children out for this year's pictures. I had to force Drew into the grass to take this shot but we are both very pleased with the result. (It's obvious how the camera loves her too.)

And my darling, Wolfie, is growing up so fast that I can hardly stand it. I am thankful for his sweet, loving spirit and that he still lets my hug and kiss on him.

I have such a love for tile - this is my favorite spot and angle for pictures.

You can't even tell how eager they were during this shoot to get finished and get home again.

Changes

Because of his work schedule, on his days off Roy usually doesn't sleep most nights. He tends to get up about two in the morning and play on the computer until 7:00 or 8:00 a.m. then returns to bed to finally sleep again.  This morning was the same, except this time on the way to bed he had to maneuver past boxes which Paige had moved into the hallway.  

Roy slid into bed next to me and asked what was going on with Jr and Paige - I knew nothing.  He informed me of the boxes in the hallway and suggested, "maybe they're cleaning?" Unusual as that may be, it could happen.

A couple of hours later, I finally start moving around the house. I shower and start cooking breakfast for Drew, who falls back to sleep before I can finish getting it ready.  

Standing in the kitchen, Jr enters the room to discuss cashing his income tax check, paying on his truck, college, and an unexpected deposit into his checking account.  I ask him about the boxes and he responds that Paige is leaving for Vegas for her brother's wedding.  I was aware of the impending marriage but never new the exact date.  He elaborates that he is not invited to the wedding, and his tone is indication that his feelings are, understandably, hurt by this.  He goes on to say that Paige is moving all of her belongings from our home to a friend's home with the idea that she may not return to Jr.  Again, he is understandably agitated. I feel badly for him but don't know what to say in response; there really is nothing that can make this better right now. I change the subject back to school and let him know that I will help all I can with it.

A Suburban pulls up to our driveway and waits.  Shortly thereafter, Paige and her friends begin loading the Suburban with her belongings.  Afterward, she hugs Jr and manages a sniffle, then leaves.

*

On another note, I began texting Corey here and there in an effort to move things forward between us.  I think it's working.  My hope, though, is that he has come to understand what is, and is not, acceptable in our home and with me.  I hope there will be no further issue with lies and fights. Consequently, I have invited him home for Thanksgiving and to attend dinner on that day with us at my sister's home.  He has accepted and I am looking forward to it.

*

The end of the year is coming, and I am so looking forward to the beginning of 2013.  I have extremely high expectation for the house this year as we are paying off the Jeep in March and with the additional savings, we will be catching up on other bills and remodeling the casa! <squealing with excitement>

Presidential Election FYI

Last night, as the presidential election was coming to a close, I sat down to discuss some of it with my kids (who I homeschool).  We talked about the two frontrunners and touched on popular votes and electoral votes.  They seemed completely lost, inspiring the following analogy.  

Instead of referring to "electoral votes" (which is where I would completely "lose" them), I changed it up to say, consider, or think of "electoral votes" as a "bucket of candy".  And each state has a bucket of candy with a different amount of candy inside.  For instance, Texas has a bucket with 38 pieces of candy in their bucket (or 38 electoral votes), and Ohio has 18 pieces of candy in their bucket (or 18 electoral votes), New York has 29 pieces of candy in their bucket (or 29 electoral votes), but Wyoming only has 3 pieces of candy in their bucket (or 3 electoral votes), and so on and so on. 

(We use this candy analogy for our division lessons as well, and personalize it by using family names, because they can get lost in the numbers but should we be dividing candy - you can bet your bottom dollar they understanding dividing that correctly!)

During election, we (the people of the United States of America), go to a voting booth and cast our vote (also referred to as a ballot).  This can be done either on paper or electronically (these days, typically electronically).  When everyone is done voting, the votes are tallied up (or counted).  These votes are also referred to as "popular votes". 

Now, back to the "candy in the bucket".

Who ever has the most "popular votes" in a state wins the that states "bucket of candy" (or electoral votes).  There are only two states whose "candy" can be split up between the candidates: Nebraska, who has 5 pieces of candy in the bucket (or 5 electoral votes), and Maine, who has 4 pieces of candy in the bucket (or 4 electoral votes).

In the end, they guy with the most candy - wins!

*

How many total electoral votes?

The number of electoral votes is 538, based on the total voting membership of the United States Congress:  435 Representatives, 100 Senators, and 3 from the District of Columbia.

How is the number of electoral votes for each state determined?

The number of electoral votes for each state is equal to the number of Senators plus the number of the House of Representatives. The number of senators is fixed at two but the number of Representatives for each state varies with the population of the state but is always at least one. The District of Columbia (also known as Washington D.C.) gets the same amount of electoral votes as the state with the least amount of electoral votes (this is currently 3).

    2 - Number of Senators for the state

+ X - Number of Representatives for the state (varies with population)

    Y - Total Number of Electoral Votes ("candy in the bucket") for the state

The number of representatives that a state has is determined by the population. After the official census is completed every ten years, Congress adjusts the number of Representatives based on the new population figures. Consequently, the number of electoral votes (or "candy in the bucket") can increase or decrease.

How does the census effect the electoral votes?

A census is a process of collecting data (or information) pertaining to each person in the United States.  This information is used to determine, among other things, funding for a state, and how many Representatives each state is allowed.  This is also referred to as “Apportionment”. Apportionment is the process of dividing the 435 memberships (also called "seats") in the House of Representatives among the 50 states.  This division (or Apportionment) is based on the population numbers collected during the census.  A new census is taken every 10 years.

The total number of Representatives for each state is currently fixed at 435 (this means it must stay at 435 - each state can increase or decrease but the total number for the entire U.S. must stay at 435).  Therefore, if one state increases in population enough to merit (or earn) another representative, then some other state must also lose a representative to keep the number at 435.  In the past, the total number of Representatives has increased, but the last time that happened was in 1913.

The last U.S. Census was taken in 2010, and based on that information, some of the numbers of electoral votes ("candy") was increased and decreased for some states.  

Here's the updated totals for each state for 2012:

Alabama - 9

Alaska - 3

Arizona - 11

Arkansas - 6

California - 55

Colorado - 9 (swing state)

Connecticut - 7

Delaware - 3

Florida - 29 (swing state)

Georgia - 16

Hawaii - 4

Idaho - 4

Illinois - 20

Indiana - 11 (swing state)

Iowa - 6 (swing state)

Kansas - 6

Kentucky - 8

Louisiana - 8

Maine - 4

Maryland - 10

Massachusetts - 11

Michigan - 16

Minnesota - 10

Mississippi - 6

Missouri - 10

Montana - 3

Nebraska - 5

Nevada - 6 (swing state)

New Hampshire - 4 (swing state)

New Jersey - 14

New Mexico - 5 (swing state)

New York - 29

North Carolina - 15 (swing state)

North Dakota - 3

Ohio - 18 (swing state)

Oklahoma - 7

Oregon - 7

Pennsylvania - 20

Rhode Island - 4

South Carolina - 9

South Dakota - 3

Tennessee - 11

Texas - 38

Utah - 6

Vermont - 3

Virginia - 13 (swing state)

Washington - 12

West Virginia - 5

Wisconsin - 10

Wyoming - 3

District of Columbia - 3

Some critics of the electoral voting system argue that it is undemocratic and gives swing states disproportionate influence in electing the President and Vice President.  Supporters of the electoral voting system argue that it is an important, distinguishing feature of federalism in the United States and that it protects the rights of smaller states.

What is a swing state?

 A swing states is a state in which no single candidate or party has overwhelming support in securing that state's electoral votes.  (For instance, certain states almost always lean one direction or another (Republican or Democrat). Swing states show a tendency to go either way and are targets for both of Republican and Democratic political parties during a presidential election because winning these states help secure winning the election.

Which U.S. states get to vote in the presidential election?

All 50 U.S. states are allowed to participate the voting process including the District of Columbia (also known as Washington D.C.) which is not considered a U.S. state.  (The "D.C." in "Washington D.C." stands for District of Columbia.)

How many electoral votes does Washington DC get?

Washington DC gets 3 electoral votes as if it were a state, but will never get more than the least populous state.

Explanation excerpt via Wikipedia:

Voting rights of citizens in the District of Columbia differ from the rights of citizens in each of the 50 U.S. States.  The United States Constitution grants each state voting representation in both houses of the United States Congress. As the U.S. capital, the District of Columbia is a special federal district, not a state, and therefore does not have voting representation in the Congress. The Constitution grants the Congress  exclusive jurisdiction over the District in "all cases whatsoever."

The District's lack of voting representation in Congress has been an issue since the capital's foundation. Numerous proposals have been introduced to change this situation including legislation and constitutional amendments, returning the District to the state of Maryland, and making the District into a new state. All proposals have been met with political or constitutional challenges and there has been no change in the District's representation in the Congress.

Why Isn't Washington DC a State?

Basically, Washington D. C. (or District of Columbia) is not a state because it is actually a Federal District. Without getting into too much detail, and in effort to avoid being too vague as well, the founders of the country did not want the federal government to be run by state laws nor to mingle.  State laws can differ from federal laws creating conflict.  Historically, states had more rights and power than the federal government, especially in the early days of the republic.  But in 1783, there was an attack on Congress in Philadelphia. Pennsylvania authorities would not help in stopping the attack and the congressmen had to flee across the Delaware to neighboring New Jersey. Consequently, the federal government decided that the new capital would need to be in a "federal town" over which the federal government would have control so a similar scene would never play out again.

2012 Presidential Election map via Politico

*

On a personal note, I'm not one to debate sensitive topics much, such as abortion, politics, religion, etc. They are important to me and I have my take on each, but I discuss my stance with my mother, my husband, and on occasion, my children.  Just as I do not affiliate myself with any one organized religion, I do not attach to a particular political party (and I rarely vote straight Republic or straight Democrat - it all just depends...). I enjoyed this election process but only because the older I get, the more interested I am.  I, frankly, did not care for either of our choices this year - but... insert The Serenity Prayer here.  

I would like to address here (since I did create this is my forum to do so), all the drama I've seen from my Facebook "friends".  Because of my political position and despite my political position - I am not an Obama hater, nor do I believe him to be the "anti-Christ", nor do I feel a desire to leave the country, nor do I feel a need for Texas to succeed now.  It is curious to me that so many people seem to grab tidbits (which are not in any way,  completely or even partially, verified) in order to validate their position (which also seems to stem from a hate that originates on a personal level first).  It is increasingly difficult to siphon through these haters to the legitimate verifiable issues.  I do know that (without revealing who I voted for, because it's nobody damn business) that it only takes one racial slur to register (for me) who is racist and, consequently, invalidate their entire political argument.

Listening with Your Heart

My mom sent the following by email to me recently, and I really enjoyed it (especially paragraphs 6 and 7), so I wanted to share it here as well.

LISTENING WITH YOUR HEART

This is an actual advertisement found in a Utah (USA) newspaper from a man trying to sell his motorcycle.

"2006 Suzuki 1000. This bike is perfect! It has 1000 miles and has had its 500 mile dealer service. (Expensive Service!) It's been adult ridden, all wheels have always been on the ground. I use it as a cruiser/commuter. I'm selling it because it was purchased without proper consent of a loving wife! Apparently "do whatever the heck you want" doesn't mean what I thought!!! Call me, Steve. [phone number]"

Her sarcasm was lost on him. Somehow he didn't hear the words behind the words.

Why is it? We own cell phones and send email. We talk, text and tweet. We have more ways of communicating than ever before, but communication is still a major problem.

Maybe they hear our words, but they're deaf to what is behind the words. So what do we do? We say it LOUDER. If we can't be understood at conversational level, maybe they'll understand if we blast it into their heads.

And sometimes we simply don't listen well. Perhaps that is because many of us are afflicted with what communicator Nido Qubein terms "agenda anxiety" - the feeling that what we want to say to others is more important than what they might want to say to us. So we don't listen. We try to impress rather than express, not realizing that two monologues do not make a dialogue.

"Please understand me," is the desperate cry of too many relationships. "You don't have to make me feel better; you don't have to do anything; you don't even have to agree with me. But don't judge me. Just understand me. Please."

The truth is that our relationships work when communication works. And communication works when we hear the words behind the words; when it becomes as important for us to listen as it is for us to speak; and, when we truly understand each other. For me, it takes more than merely listening with my ears. I also have to listen with my heart.

My colleague and friend Roy Trueblood collaborated on the book MANAGING FROM THE HEART. In it, the authors discuss what it means to communicate from the heart as well as from the head. Here are five principles of "H-E-A-R-T" communication. These are great tips for better talking and listening in personal relationships.

H - Hear and understand me.

E - Even if you disagree, please don't make me wrong.

A - Acknowledge the greatness within me.

R - Remember to look for my loving intentions.

T - Tell me the truth with compassion.

Noted author and psychotherapist Virginia Satir said this about communication: "Once a human being has arrived on this earth, communication is the largest single factor determining what kinds of relationships he makes with others and what happens to him in the world about him." It seems important that we get it right.

I realize that the quality of my life will be largely determined by the quality of my relationships. And my relationships will improve when I learn to listen with my heart.

(Steve Goodier)

*

P.S. Speaking of listening, it's said that the only people who listen to both sides of an argument are the neighbors.