daily hmmmm

It's not until I have come to that point where I have learned from the past, grown from the past, and stopped repeating the negative actions, that I can actually embrace the negativity in the past (that's been haunting and upsetting me) and say with complete honesty, "I am, now, thankful for all the negative and difficult times because it has led me here into this much better place in my life."

So, I'll keep in mind, while I'm going through future "rocky roads", that all things, eventually, come to pass and one day, I will be thankful for this very rocky road, even with all of its negativity. 

Food for thought - if you are not learning, growing, and becoming better and, consequently, thankful (embracing) for your negative situations - then you are in the alternative, quite possibly, allowing yourself to become more and more bitter in spirit.

Focus on love and light.... not hate and "haters".

It's what your focus is in that you become....

it's so sad

when someone is so desperate for love, that they "go for" whomever goes for them first.

Kafka on the Shore, by Haruki Murakami

"Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions.
You change direction but the sandstorm chases you.
You turn again, but the storm adjusts.
Over and over you play this out,
like some ominous dance with death just before dawn.
Why?
Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away,
something that has nothing to do with you.
This storm is you.
Something inside of you.
So all you can do is give in to it,
step right inside the storm,
closing your eyes and plugging up your ears
so the sand doesn't get in,
and walk through it,
step by step.
There's no sun there,
no moon,
no direction,
no sense of time.
Just fine white sand
swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones.
That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine......
And once the storm is over
you won't remember how you made it through,
how you managed to survive.
You won't even be sure, in fact,
whether the storm is really over.
But one thing is certain.
When you come out of the storm
you won't be the same person who walked in.
That's what this storm's all about."

Missing the mark

Am I missing my mark or are you missing the point?

"Missing the point" so often seems like a lame strategy used be someone who doesn't want to face the facts.

Can't really blame them though - the point often hurts.

How to fight less

If we could only remove
expectations and emotions
from the equation,
we would fight less.

Man-UP

You were wrong then, and you're wrong now.
The good news: its just your immaturity, you'll grow out of it.
The bad news: boys mature slowly....

The victim is nothing without his sympathizers.

It's hard for me to sympathize for someone who begs for sympathy (especially a child I wanted to raise to be stronger).

...but then, he cried - all of the time it seemed, and usually without much reason - and so maybe this was destined?

When you are the one treating others with disrespect,
accusing others of being "haters",
telling lies about them, and causing others to cry - then,
it is not really you that is being victimized, rather
it is you that is victimizing...

Exhibit "A": Facebook posts that all scream "poor me"

I think
that there are people who,
in actuality,
wish they were mistreated or abused
just so they can have a valid victim card to play...
But then,
those people are pretty good at making up sad stories anyhow.

Were these crying tantrums manifested from the favoritism displayed for him by so many? Thereby training him to desire and expect this treatment forever?
Maybe..... 
I think so anyhow.
They lasted even through middle school.

Apparently, I can't expect a level of maturity more than your age... I must keep reminding myself of this.

leaf

Many studies have proven that liquid cannabis is an effective treatment for cancer - and if it were me or my child, I would appreciate this being a legal and available treatment option for us.  Liquid cannabis is safer than many over-the-counter medications and certainly safer than prescription medications, chemotherapy, and radiation treatments.  Marihuana is non-addictive and you don't get a "high" off of liquid cannabis.

Read this story about Cash Hyde, a 3 year old, diagnosed with recurring brain tumors.  His parents, after hearing about liquid cannabis, resorted to (illegally) treating their son with it.  The results were just as the many other studies have proven. To read more, click here → Link

lazy = loser

At this point, you gotta put enough thought into your argument to know how to win it - because, if you're not, at this point, I sure as hell am not going to let you know you are right (when you are), and I'm not going to tell you what you could say to win it.

You just gotta get your shit together.

two wrongs don't make a what?

I could say a lot of things. Things that would appear hateful - in actuality they come from that place of my own pains - retaliating the pain. (Don't let anyone see you're pain as they may misinterpret it for weakness, right?)

And then what?

I know that still, I will not receive the response I desire or need to heal my pain. But I also know that, without the retaliation, I will not receive the response I desire and you will walk away without any true knowing of the pain you have caused me.

So, you see a bitch.

writing helps

sort things out

see things as they are

see me as I am and

see you as you are

but now what?

I don't want to be forgiving anymore...

it makes me feel gullible and foolish.

fuck it.

fuck you.

homeschooling Wolfie

Today, as I homeschooled, Wolf and I were discussing his studies and he told me of a tweak in his assignment he felt that he would benefit from...

As I listened to him, my thoughts went a bit to the wayside,
"he's getting so big,
growing up so fast...
will he go through a rebellious stage?
Will he become too difficult to homeschool one day?
He's so respectful and obedient
and tenderhearted...
I can't imagine losing what we have now.
His voice is so deep..."

I appreciated and respected his input, and told him so. I valued that he had put thought into how he could get more from his studies. 

After discussing it, we agreed to the adjustment and I let him know that eventually he would have more and more of the responsibility for his studies. He let me know he wasn't ready for that just yet. 

I'm so proud of him.

a lie by any other name...

I've got a new friend and it's become very apparent that she is a bit "all over the place".  On more than one occasion she has said one thing only to end up doing something completely different.  And I've had others in my life do the same thing.  The frustration I feel over it has instilled in me a growing importance of my words.  If a person can not trust an agreement that was made, no matter how big or small that agreement is, life can easily get chaotic.

dictum meum pactum - it means "the words that I utter are my bond”.

.....utter with honesty.

Your "word" is a bond created sometimes all to easily

but others should be content to depend on them.

If you say you're going to be there - then be there.

If you don't know - then simply reveal your ignorance honestly.

With your words, you train others to either trust you, or distrust you.

A great relationship is based on two things: first, find out the similarities; second, respect the differences.

*

"Remember, the best relationships are the ones on which your love for each other exceeds your needs for each other." (The Dalai Lama)

Have no fear of perfection, you'll never reach it. (Salvador Dali)

Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.

Video: Why I hate religion, but love Jesus

Eat, Pray, Love

• 

My baby boy, Wolfie, gave me the dvd movie Eat, Pray, Love for Christmas.

I had first watched this movie at the theatre and had no one to go with so my daughter, Drew, not wanting to see me go alone, decided she would go along with me.  It really wasn't her sort of show, but she's just a sweetheart like that (and there wasn't a lot of cursing or any nudity).

I returned home ranting and raving over it.  I loved the movie on so many levels (such as her struggle to embrace her independence and connect with her spirituality).

I suppose my enthusiasm made an impression on Wolfie and his gift could not have been any better.

a quote from the movie:

"....hadn't I wanted this? I had actively participated in every moment of the creation of this life. So why didn't I see myself in any of it?  The only thing more impossible than staying, was leaving."

Don't Judge

One of my old school friends is now a pastor of a local church he founded (which I do not attend) recently posted this on his Facebook wall: The problem in the church is not that everyone has a "personal preference" but when people confuse their personal preferable with "Biblical Truth".

My initial (un-posted) response was "my belief is that God’s truth rings true in your heart - hence a personal preference.  I believe that there are many truth’s and that it’s not just one particular religious interpretation to be found in Heaven.  And I believe, simply, that God is all things good; (He) is love, (He) is tolerance, (He) is patience, (He) is kindness, etc. - and that a good (or Light-possessing) spirit will have no worries of not reaching Heaven."

In the words of Jack Handey, "I think instead of answers, we should have impressions. If I have a different impression than you on a math test, so what? Can't we all be brothers?"

*

I was shocked, confused, bewildered

As I entered Heaven's door,

Not by the beauty of it all,

Nor the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heaven

Who made me sputter and gasp-

The thieves, the liars, the sinners,

The alcoholics and the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade

Who swiped my lunch money twice.

Next to him was my old neighbor

Who never said anything nice.

Bob, who I always thought

Was rotting away in hell,

Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,

Looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus, 'What's the deal?

I would love to hear Your take.

How'd all these sinners get up here?

God must've made a mistake.

'And why is everyone so quiet,

So somber - give me a clue.'

'Hush, child,' He said, 'they're all in shock.

No one thought they'd be seeing you.'

*

JUDGE NOT!!


Remember...
Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian
any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.


Every saint has a PAST... Every sinner has a FUTURE!

I've got such a headache...

so much stress and prayer and tears
in such a short period of time...
our nephew is coming home soon
from Afghanistan...
bruised but not broken
(thanking God)


and I'm thinking about all of the close calls
our son (Roy Jr) had over there
in Afghanistan...
and how he is home safe now
(thanking God)


and our family has another son
over there still
and we just want him home safe already too


and I'm thinking about how our family
has been spared
from the trauma of a worse case scenerio...
so, I can only imagine
how those mothers and wives
and families feel
who have gone through so much
more hardship than me
and it makes me think
how blessed our family is
that we haven't walked in those shoes


it makes me think,
"don't ever feel I have things so bad,
because they could be so much worse"
and I think, "how sad, that such a stress
has to happen for me to be reminded of that"


and I pray that I never become a parent
who out-lives any of our families children
and my heart and prayers
go out to those parents & families
who have experienced that heartache
and...
I'd rather have this headache
than that heartache anyday