doodies & duties

So I've been in a funk lately. My husband has (once again) "checked-out" of participating as a family. According to him, he has SO much stress he simply cannot function any further. I understand his stresses. Jr, his eldest, left for Afghanistan last Tuesday. Then there is Corey and all of his drama, plus, he too will be leaving for Afghanistan come May. Then there is the stresses of work (the real love of his life), and now, his lovely wife is not having s-e-x with him.

Well?! What do you expect!?!? Like I really want to do all of my "duties" when he is not following through with his promises and responsibilities, and has all the same excuses (again). Duh!

He no longer helps me with the kids homeschooling either, so I get to handle the education of our children alone (honestly, probably better that way).  But! I have all of those same worries that he does; plus! I get to worry about the threats on my life by his ex-wife (who has promised that if one of her sons dies over in Afghanistan, she will have me "taken care of" as well! I know that this makes no sense at all, but who said she makes any sense at all! Then, let us take into account that should one of the boys come home paralyzed or seriously injured - it will be I who is the lucky one to get to spoon feed him, bathe him, and wipe the poo from his butt for the rest of my life. And, I too, will be the hard ass who insists that he still be as independent as possible (if possible); the hard ass that pushes him to continue to search for his passion, and go for it. Because we all know Roy won't do any of that! He'll be too stressed to function. And Grandma! She is too old and frail! She would never be able to lift either of the boys, nor would she ever push them to strive for independence. Then there's Raquel - I mean their "real mom". Uhhhh, yeah, like she'd finally step up to the plate under those circumstances.

So rather than stepping up and being the husband I need, he simply sleeps the days away, waking only to feed, poop, shower, and go to work. But we've been here before - many times.

The kids notice too, of course; all of them have.  All of them point out how much he sleeps, and Roy has gotten to the point where he practically calls the kids liars about it.  I think he is convincing himself that I have brainwashed the kids into believing he sleeps all the time. 

Seriously, I'd rather be alone, but I can't bring myself to leave him yet. The kids and I have some security from the income he brings. I don't want the kids lifestyle to change. We would need to give up the television, the internet, the cellphones; even then, I'm not sure it would be enough. Then there is my family. They are very unsupportive when it comes to divorce, which only complicates the issue for me.