She's back

Erica went to see mom yesterday.  She talked directly to Dr. Burke.  She sends a text.

It reads:  “Well I guess I spoke with an optimistic Dr.  Moms main Dr. (Dr. Burks (sic)) came in and I spoke with him.  He is more pessimistic. Says he expects the cancer to show its self within the next few weeks.  That even though he did not give her a time frame we should probably plan on the shorter version of her plan. I like the other Drs version better but after talking to him I guess…”

I’m at mom’s feeding Buffy.

I respond:  “Yes, this cancer made its reappearance in less than a year from the first operation. And then it was very fast growing. I think all we can do is go day by day… I love you.”

She replies:  “He is looking at late next week bringing her to warm springs.  She just wants to be incoherent so she doesn’t have to deal with any of it. I guess I understand that but every time I come she sleeps. She cried when I left Sunday so I promised her I’d come… I just watch her sleep every time I’m here.”

I respond:  “Probably good to just sleep thru it right now…”

As I said, the truth will work itself out… I didn’t think it would happen this quickly though.  If Erica and I had been talking normally, I could have tried to prepare her for this.  Maybe, this is the way it was supposed to be though…

Once home, I call mom.  She is moaning a lot as if she is in a great deal of pain. She says her pain level is actually a -6- but when the nurse asks a short time later she tells her that it’s a -9- because it must be a high pain level for them to give her Morphine.  She wants Morphine.  Mom says she wants me and Erica to get together to arrange the ambulance ride home.  I assure her that we will both be there on Saturday and can discuss it then.  She says that she is ready to get out of the hospital.  She is frustrated with the nurses now, probably because they withdrew the Morphine.  We talk for about 30-40 minutes and Erica sends me a text.

It reads:  “I’m going Friday to stay with mom for the weekend. I can’t go the following weekend.  I’m hoping she’ll be home by then but if that doesn’t happen I was hoping you could go that weekend and stay with her???”

I don’t respond by text – I want to call her instead.

Erica goes over again what Dr. Burke had reported.  She talks again about how much mom sleeps when she visits her.  She talk quite a while and this time it seems as though she actually wants to talk to me.  I’m fighting back tears because she needs me and I need her… especially now.  She goes on and on as if nothing were ever wrong between us and I have a sense of relief despite our stressful topic (mom). At one point she states, “Up until Tuesday, I thought mom was coming home to heal…” Her voice trails off and I know that she is crying silently.  I whisper, “it’s okay…” She regains composure. I'll be going to her home tomorrow to drop off more citrus green tea for her to take to mom.

I think I have my sister back… finally.