Rounding Another Corner

Okay, so I'm going to have to get my head wrapped around this new phase in our lives.  We have three older boys - "adults": Jr (24), Aaron (22), and Corey (20)

Jr and Corey are back from Afghanistan and we can finally revel in the relief that they are both safe and sound... at least physically.  Jr had a really tough time over there and he has a lot to get his head wrapped around as well - but otherwise, he is okay.  He and his girlfriend, Paige, are now working on a new phase - life after Army.  They are staying with us until they have everything in place to move out.

Aaron though!! Aaron is so wonderful!! Finally! All those years of drama and anxiety have finally come to an end. He is the epitome of what we hope for all the boys.  He's got a fantastic job, making lots of money, building up his savings quite nicely, attends church regularly, has a beautiful, sweet, sweet girlfriend - things really couldn't be better for him.  And once he and his girlfriend finally tie the knot - it's going to be the occasion of the century - they are doing it RIGHT! It's SO nice not to worry about him for a change.

Corey.... uhhh, Corey.... well, he's still as immature as they come.  His mentality is just "out there" - appearing to be a bit on the angry thuggish side - sigh... his mother's side.  He talks so much smack and there is no reasoning with him.  He only wants to hear what he wants to hear - say anything else and he'll snap your head off.  We've walked on eggshells around him because he'd come home for a short time only to turn around and go back to Afghanistan.  We didn't want to argue and then send him back into a war zone.  But there was the one occasion, when Corey had fussed at us for using his car.  It seems his "friends" had informed him that they had seen us driving all over town in it.  - Not true. - For the record, I had only been in that car once - at most.  We have our vehicle we drive it on a regular basis - not Corey's.  His daddy did drive Corey's car to and from work, but only to keep the motor running and he'd thought that was the understanding between them.  Corey waited to approach us about it until just before getting on the plane, berating us with a complete disrespect.  He didn't even try to talk rationally and maturely about it.  We didn't say much - walking on glass to avoid any further unnecessary argument before sending him back into a war zone.  He hid the keys to ensure himself that we wouldn't use it again.  Then got on the plane - everyone walking away upset.  His dad took it so hard (I've rarely seen him get so choked up before - shame on you Corey *smh*).  

Ultimately, his dad didn't touch the damn car after that.  And I wish I would have taken a picture of all the pollen built up on that vehicle while Corey was gone.  

And then Corey comes home from Afghanistan, for good. And! He wants a favor! He wants us to drive his car up to the base and leave it there for him! Well, the car did not start. (Surprise! Surprise!) So, dad puts it on the charger until it does.  (Candice later informs me that Corey thought we were lying to him about his car not starting. He is so ridiculous sometimes! *rolls eyes*)  Still, he didn't get to learn his lesson. I wish - I WISH - his dad had not put the car to charge so Corey could have seen for himself! Regardless, we didn't take the car to Corey as Roy and I both had to work (and Corey had given us only a moments notice, literally - he just called and said come now!). I just keep hoping one day Corey will grow up - but if he is anything like his mother (and he is), then it's a crap shoot.

Anyway, the real meat of this post - when Corey posted some "tough" talk about getting a speeding ticket and dealing with the police officer, his daddy responded with some very light guidance which Corey responded to somewhat disrespectfully.  Here, I'll put it specifically so that it will speak for itself:

7/16/12, 2:52p

Corey:  "i swear if i get pulled over one more fuckin time and the sheriffs are a smartass to me again im goin to lose it."

Dad: "Corey thats one thing when u have a car like tht it comes with the territory there doing job its just some people with cars like urs put a bad rapp fof everyone and i know u got a heavy foot so take it easy u dnt need to lose it and make things worse cuz u wont win o cooperate with laws!! Ive seen friends lose everything in snap!! So easy and enjoy ur Rad Ride!!!"

Corey: "before the work zone the speed limit was 70, the work zone was 60, so i figure ok after the work zone is over the speed limit would go back to what it was before wouldnt it? but no i guess not, so it would help if they fuckin posted a speed limit sign after the work zone. i dont speed i set my cruise control to whatever the fuck the sign says for jackasses like that. ive seen people rollover from speeding in afghanistan and we even lost a guy due to speeding so i dont need a reminder of how you can lose everything because of speeding but thanks."

Corey: "but hey if they are goin to take me down ill be sure to take one down with me."

* 

So, what does that meeean?? It's obvious to me that Corey only wants to hear what Corey wants to hear. 

I sit and think about this and I come to realize that the boys aren't asking for our opinions.  So, unless they ask for it - don't give it. I mean, I remember when I was their age,  getting my mother's (unwelcome) input (and I already knew what to expect from her). Her input simply put me off as well. We've got to trust that we've taught them and they know what's right and what's wrong. They're just stupid shits sometimes, that's all - we all were.  

So, this new phase, we've got to disconnect enough to let them do their thing. They'll learn the hard way too - same way we did.  

Then, if and when they come crying to us for help, we deal with it accordingly.  "Accordingly" being key...   the ol' give a man a fish or teach a man to fish thing.

self-inflicting emotional distress

What makes me put that which pains me in front of me to stare at? ...wallow in it?

I recently heard that Rielle Hunter states in her book What Really Happened, that Elizabeth Edwards had found a photo of her husband, John, staring lovingly at Rielle (John's slut-mistress).  And while this photo caused Elizabeth such great pain - she saved it as her computer screen saver so that she could see it over and over and over...

Now, don't get me wrong, I am NOT a Rielle Hunter fan nor do I put much merit on what she states - I simply relate to the accounting because I see myself doing the same sort of things.  Things that stress me or cause me great pain - I keep.

Why? ¯\_(ʘ_ʘ)_/¯

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Note:

For those of you who do not know who the above stated people are; John Edwards ran for president in 2008.  It was later discovered that he had an affair with Rielle Hunter (who became pregnant and eventually had John Edwards' baby).  John Edwards was married to Elizabeth Edwards at the time (who passed away from cancer in December 2010). 

4th of July

For the past couple of years, we have begun celebrating the 4th of July at my sister's home.  I think I've already told you that she has quite a bit of property and nice home layout for entertaining large groups.  This year was no different. A buffet of yummy snacks with friends and family made for a very nice time.  This year, however, I am still healing from my hysterectomy and while I am certainly not suffering much at all, I do tire quickly, so I planned to make this a short celebration.  This year, Candice, who in past years was unable to make these parties, was escorted in by Aaron! I was excited to see her there (I do enjoy showing her off).  Roy, however, had to work and Wolfie was more interested in his computer games and stayed home - so it was just me and my baby girl this year. 

I'm a picky eater. I have been since I was in diapers.  And I'm not very interested in trying new foods - my theory is that if I find something new to love, it will only be one more thing I have to try to avoid eating too much of  - cest la vie.  My sister, Brenda, who loves to cook and very creatively too, was attempting to coax me into trying one of her weird concoctions which I adamantly declined leading us into a conversation about whether or not it's a good idea to force children to eat foods that they don't care for.  

I was telling the story of my mother (who was also sitting with us at this time) and how she had gone through a period of trying to "force" me into eating things I didn't want. I remember sitting in front of the television watching cartoons with the biggest glass of Kool-aid and a dreaded peanut butter sandwich.  Take a bite - wash it down like a pill.  Take a bite  -don't chew - and just wash it down.  This went on until the sandwich was just about gone.  I recall another time, sitting at the family table, my father insisting that I eat the mashed potatoes.  I sat there talking myself into it - "Karen, it's only mashed potatoes!!"  Nope.  One swallow and then up they came.  Dad was so frustrated.  My mother visited with the doctor about my eating habits, and he reassured her that I was getting all the nutrients I needed - I was healthy, so no worries.  And so mom came to the mindset that it simply wasn't a battle she wanted to pick anymore, and that children should not grow up experiencing the act of eating as upsetting and traumatic.  Thereafter, she would cook for the family and, if it was something I didn't care for, I would get a plate of meatballs with ketchup (or whatever).  I've always been a pretty good meat-eater, so usually I would have the meats without all the sides.  No big deal.  Right?  

So, my sister, Brenda, states that I "should have been forced to eat everything", and my son, Aaron, agrees.  I, however, defend my mother's choice (thanking her again), letting her know that I was in agreement with her decision and have obliged my own children in the same fashion.  Then I brought up that I was known for going to FIVE different places to pick up fast food so that everyone in my home could eat exactly what they were craving that day - and they were happy for it too! And my son, who at this moment was siding with my sis,  had also been happy that I had obliged him. Candice comes to my rescue with confirmation that I had in fact bent over backwards at times to appease everyone's cravings - and that she too was thankful for it.  (I telepathically squeeze and kiss her.)  

All this isn't to say one way is right and the other is wrong - I suppose it's just to say I don't think I was wrong in the way I handled it.  It's the way our family ran and it worked.  I suppose if it had been too inconvenient for me, I made everyone choose one place to eat from or I made dinner and they ate what they wanted from it or found something else.  

I turned to Aaron and ask him how he might have felt had I forced him to eat those things that he didn't care for and I'm sure he mulled it over quietly, despite his response.  But later, Aaron was eating one of my sister's creative appetizers, leaving the bread as he didn't care for that part.  Opportunity presents itself!  And I chide (as I grin from ear to ear), "No. It doesn't matter if you like it or not, you need to eat it all." (As if to "force" him into eating something he did not like.)  He grinned too - "getting it" - and he ate it all, in spite of himself.  Funny.

back to work

Yesterday was my first day back at work since the hysterectomy! I was wide awake then and feeling great! Today, uhmmm, not so much. Seems I'll tire quickly through the week.  Tomorrow is holiday - so that's nice.  Still popping pain meds, not so much for pain but the distracting tenderness.  I only pop them for work as I must have my head in the game at work.

Good grief?

Today I got a glimpse into a woman’s life.  She has been distraught after the unexpected deaths of both of her sons (two separate incidences).  She dropped off her diary with us and I reviewed a few pages.  I feel blessed for having that opportunity.  It makes me think.... 

I thought about people’s hidden sorrows.  If you met this woman on the street, she is lively and friendly, one would never know her pain.  Earth is the Hell, isn’t it.  People can be so stricken with sadness here… some even look for it, some even embrace it!  What is it all for?

I recall working a case where two young boys (about ages 7 and 9) were killed in a house fire.  I remember looking over the photographs of the scene… their small, charred bodies had curled into fetal positions.  What were they thinking as they tried to hide from the heat?  Had God pulled their spirit from them early so as to spare them the terror and pain? 

To walk through life carrying all the events which (we) either endured personally or witnessed from another perspective, and the grief can weigh (us) down. 

Being in the “Now” can seem so emotional at times - can you be too in the “Now”?

I think about all the stress around me now.  It isn’t happening to me – but to people I care about and love… so I still stress – I stress for them.

So, we are here to learn from it all – education through experience.  And we’re here to help each other… and I find myself wishing I had pursued my passion (psychology) – I would have loved to reach people in that way.  I’m 44 now – too late for me. 

Wolf's 14 bday

A SIX FLAGS GET-A-WAY!

 For Wolfie's 14th birthday Roy and I decided we were long past due for an outing.  Aaron having purchased season passes for Six Flags for the past three years, volunteered the idea of going there and stated that he would buy Wolfie a season pass as his birthday gift to him.  It was a winning idea.

Consequently, we went all out inviting Jr, Corey, cousin Collin, and Candice's sister, Iris along - 10 people in tow all together!

Anticipating the high cost of drinks, we handed out bottled water before entering the park.  Candice isn’t much for the scarier rollercoaster rides but she and Iris were interested in the Roadrunner, so after a lot of persuading, we got Drew on it as well.  She cried the entire time and I held her and hovered over her as much as possible to try to make her feel safer.  I believe I walked away with some whiplash for not sitting properly and being jerked around so much.  Roy, Aaron, Iris and I rode the Rattler (an old wooden rollercoaster that truly lives up to its scary reputation), and at the top of one of the highest, steepest drops, my reaction, just before reeling over the edge, was to immediately ask for forgiveness from Roy for anything and everything (haha). I understand that they’ll be shutting down this ride this year – so we rode just in time - a good memory.)

We rode several more rides, stopping to eat and rehydrate, and then took a break in the lazy river.  It was at this point that Wolfie and Collin decided to make a break for it and run off on their own.  We designated a meeting place and time and then they were off.

The lazy river was ridiculously packed and people were crazy rude, even grabbing inner tubes out of the hands of the people who were using them.  Quickly disenchanted we left to search for other rides. 

It wasn’t long before we ran into Wolfie and Collin along with Jr and Corey.  They were all in desperate need of drink so we purchased them each a cola.  Wolfie was especially exhausted and we decided to make our way to the pool so he could cool off.  He could barely walk and clung to me for support.  We stopped at a table in the shade to let him rest and talked to him about his symptoms.  It was clear he was extremely dehydrated when he asked for a wheelchair as he did not feel he could walk any further; with that, we really began to worry about him.  My boys, all of them, would never ride in a wheelchair (it would be far too embarrassing for them), so this was a definite sign of the seriousness of his condition.

Roy retrieved a wheelchair and we rolled him to the pool, getting him more water and ice and setting in the shade – he simply couldn’t make himself to the water to sit in it or dip his feet. 

By now, it was close to 7:00 p.m. and we decided that we would wrap up the day already.  We offered for Collin to stay with the older boys but he declined; and as it turned out, the older boys were all ready to call it a night as well.

Jr and Aaron were quite concerned for Wolfie as well, and at their urging we had a park medic look at him before getting on the highway home.  The medic talked to him a bit and then gave us the thumbs up to get on the road with him.

Happy birthday baby boy - truly a birthday to remember! =)

Kaitlyn's grad party

Katelyn’s graduation party was held at a beautiful local creek.  Her mother (my sister), Brenda, went all out on food and decorations and everything was delicious and festive!  

The weather could not have been better.  

It was a super nice, relaxing time.  

Only me and Drew went as Roy had to work and Wolfie was more interested in his games.

Drew enjoyed the water with Rachael and hunting for shells, then counting them out.

Brenda has lost so much weight since her surgery and while I’ve always thought she was beautiful – no matter her weight, she is looking so good today and I’m happier she is getting to a healthier weight.

RECIPE!!

3 rolls sugar cookies cut into 12 slices 

then cut in half to make 24 pieces each roll. 

Roll into a ball and place in PAM'd mini muffin pan. 

Bake at 350 degrees for 12-14 minutes or until done. 

When you take them out use a...

melon baller scoop or the end of a handle 

to make the indentation for the filling and let cool. 

For the filling: 

Beat together 1 pkg cream cheese & 

16 oz cool whip (both at room temperature), 

6 Tbsp lime juice (or juice & zest from 2 lg limes), 

4 Tbsp powdered sugar. 

Spoon into a gallon baggie and clip the corner, 

squeeze into the cookie cups (after you've removed 

them to a tray, otherwise it's a pain to try and dig them

the "girls"

I received the results from the mammogram today in the mail. It stated everything was normal.

Funny how my heart sank.

I did not wish for cancer, of course - but some sort of abnormality (lol) that would require the "girls" removal or better yet - reduction....

In a perfect world, for me - a small A-cup!

Aaron's bday celebration

~ Candice & Drew sporting their Hawaiian leis ~

Well, she (Candice) did it! Aaron's birthday party was an official hit, complete with pinata, water balloon games, a very yummy buffet, and lots and lots of friends and family.  Especially fun was the banana game in which contestants had to dis-assemble and then re-assemble their banana with straight stick pins; and the find-a-word contest using alphabet noodles smothered in a marinara sauce. 

All the party-goers were fabulous and willing participants. FUN! FUN! FUN!

~ Wolfie & Candice ~

 Aaron is so very blessed to have Candice in his life. We ALL are so very blessed to get to call her family.

  ~ Drew sporting her Hawaiian garb ~

~ Matthew & Aaron (looks like Aaron got leid! Twice!) ~ 

Candice arranged a special surprise guest too!  Aaron's brother, Matthew!  Good looks do run in the family!

In the end, Aaron, I know, 

will always cherish this memory

and the loving effort

of his beautiful fiance, Candice,

who put it all together

so selflessly.

♥

it's what's up

April 28th is approaching. It's Aaron's 22 birthday and Candice is planning a surprise birthday party for him.  It's sweet, but planning parties have always stressed me, so I just keep telling myself "this is her ballgame", "this is her ballgame", "this is her ballgame".  It'll come together and it's a sweet gesture.

I went for my woman tests and today I am meeting with the doctor to go over results.  Probably nothing.

Roy and I have been working so hard around the house.  I've finally finished tiling the bathroom countertop.  He put up the dog pen in the backyard - though he's informed me now that he doesn't have the heart to lock the dog in it.

-__-

Silly.

The law firm is moving offices in May... I'm still unsure how I feel about it other than nervous.  Sort of out of my hands though, regardless.

Aaron's dream

Today, Aaron and Candice told me of a dream Aaron had recently. It follows...

Aaron was walking away from Mema's truck which was parked in a gravel parking lot. As he walked, he saw a figure of a man off to the side and walking towards the truck. Aaron turned back and walked towards the truck as well. Suddenly, the truck alarm went off honking loudly over and over.  The strange man was first to the truck and jumped into the backseat.  Aaron walked up to the truck looking through the backseat window and saw the figure staring back at him. In the darkness, Aaron could make out the man's eyes, curls, and build - then realized the man in the backseat was himself.  He woke.

His dream intrigued me and Candice, so we did web searches for 'dream interpretations' and 'seeing yourself in a dream'.  Most sites suggested stresses.  This made sense to me as Aaron had been quite stressed lately. Interestingly, Aaron had previously told Candice that it was his feeling that the dark figure of himself was a "dark" or evil version of himself.  I always tend to encourage trust in your internal instinctive feelings.  He's probably on the right track with that - and maybe, its not so much an "evil" side but an indication of some dark memories that he needs to deal with but is resisting which, maybe, to him those memories feel evil or scary.

Either way, I'll pray he has resolution soon.

The Dhamma Brothers

Today I watched a documentary titled "The Dhamma Brothers".  I enjoyed it.

The documentary which follows prisoners as they participate in a 10-day meditative class that proves to be extremely transformative. The course forces them to examine themselves and confront their dark memories which ultimately aids in healing.

Listening to each of the inmates discuss their analysis of what they'd gotten out of the course was spiritually refreshing. I suppose, for me, it doesn't matter the setting, I will always be encouraged to be more contemplative when I see someone else doing the same.

schedule changes

My schedule lately has been to wake Aaron for work every morning.  At times I struggle to fall back to sleep, sometimes tossing and turning for hours.  This morning as I lay there, sleep evading me, I recalled those times (and there have been less than a handful of them) that I'd set the alarm for 5 or 6:00a, hoping to go out for an early morning run.

I'm not much of a morning person, and those few attempts were "epic fails".  It occurred to me now that I was struggling for sleep - and why not seize the moment for that exercise? And this time, I had an elliptical set up inside too (no more running and getting creeped out by the darkness)! 

So, here I go. Day one and I worked up a wonderful sweat.

As it turned out, it was nice knowing I'd worked in some time for my exercise.  I hope to get in more this evening too.  In addition, the plan is to cut out sodas and stop eating after 7:00p.  

This is a picture of the new Horizon EX59 elliptical my hunny bought me! =)

Count your blessings - name them one by one

Identify that thing that is your obvious struggle today.  Recognize it as your daily challenge and contemplate how you will overcome it, learn from it, become better from it.

Need help?

Pray.

Life is not about simply having a series of joyful events that do not challenge you personally. Life is all about learning and growing from your experiences... from opposition.

We save consistent joy for our time in Heaven.

Here - we grow spiritually... we learn spiritually - from those moments of grief, frustration, aggravation, anger, disappointment - from negative experiences. (and do you see how far you've come already??)

From negative experiences we try to reap positive results.

Let life make you better - not bitter.

"I cried because I had no shoes...

until I met a man that had no feet."

(Anonymous)

*

You think that you’ve had troubles

and could even name them all?

I wish you’d read some verses, friend,

that tell about St. Paul.

Have you sat in a prison cell

and prayed and sang at night?

Have you been beaten thrice with rods

right out in broad daylight?

Have you had forty stripes save one

five times upon your back?

Have you been shipwrecked several times

so that you have lost track?

Have you been let down from a wall

to get outside a gate?

Have you been stoned or left for dead

by folks all filled with hate?

I know that we have problems

that we face along the way

And aggravations rankle us

and cloudy up our day,

But even if our times are tough

and find it hard to cope

If we will count our blessings

we may find there still is hope.

Now if we count our problems

they just add to our distress

And where we’ll end up if we do

is anybody’s guess.

Be thankful you’re not dodging stones

or in a prison cell –

As you can see we’re might blessed

and things are going well.

(2 Corinthians 11:23-33)

baby girl

‎"Remember, the best relationships are the ones in which your love for each other exceeds your needs for each other." (The Dalai Lama)

a picture of my beautiful baby girl, Drew

and Los Vazquez Sounds (she reminds me so much of Drew) :)