Flowers & Thank you notes

Brenda and Erica made arrangements with the funeral home to have the floral arrangements dropped off at Erica's home.  I'm not interested in the flowers as I do not want to find myself in another position to be disappointed over plants, as I had been after dad died.

Roy and I begin working on the yard as it has become quite overgrown. Our lawn mower is not working again but I decide to weed eat and edge the yard so that, at the very least, we can find our sidewalk better.  I run out of string for the weed eater and Roy and I make a run to Sears for more. Brenda begins calling to see if I will be going by Erica's for my flower arrangements. The only one I'm interested in is one of three rose sprays that sat atop the casket, so I stop by to pick it up on the way home. Roy is concerned that I may be walking into more than I'm expecting (he was right). Roy loaded up the flowers that Brenda and Erica had designated as my portion and then sat in the car to wait on me. I had thought I would only be a moment as I signed the Thank You cards, but once finished Brenda and Erica gave a glance at each other as they began a discussion they had already planned. They posed the idea that Erica get the house, Brenda get one rental property, and I get the other rental property. They went on about getting appraisals on the properties and Brenda assured me again that we can go slow and take our time. I think they simply had come to an agreement between the two of them and wanted me to entertain the idea now. They went on to discuss Erica cleaning up mom's house and laying things out for us to look at. I agreed but made clear that I didn't want anything thrown out unless we were all on the same page about it (this because I had not been included in this process after dad passed away and it was very difficult to be left out). 

I think I offended Erica because she said, "if you don't want me doing it because you think I'm going to take something, then just say so."  

I responded, "no, I'm not worried about that at all; it's just, one man's trash is another man's treasure."  

Brenda chimed in, "I understand how you feel Karen, because I was not included either and it really bothered me too."

I believe Erica was feeling upset by now as she insisted, "that was all mom. That was all mom's doing."

I knew is was mom's doing. I had told mom back then that I didn't agree with how she was handling dad's estate. Of course, this offended her and the subject was dropped quickly never to be brought up again. Regardless, I fought off my animosity towards mom and Erica and Michael regarding the situation. "Family is more important," I told myself, "You can't take anything with you so don't be attached to things."

This time though, I want things to be different - better, fair and considerate.

I clammed up. Silence is often misunderstood but never misquoted.