Whatever she wants...

Saturday, July 19th. It's obvious that something has happened. It's good - at least Aaron seems to think so. I don't know what it is, I only know that Aaron seems to be elated and super excited for church tomorrow. I'm guessing he's talked to Candice. He asks me to wake him early on Sunday but as it turned out, he never went to sleep.

Sunday, July 20. Aaron returns home after church. Things are quiet. He seems solemn. I'm guessing the day didn't go quite as he'd hoped. 

Monday, July 21. I received several calls and texts from Aaron around 5p. I return his call and he informs me that his truck broke down about an hour outside of town and he's got a wrecker on the way but wants me to come get him. In his firm, authorative voice he says, "Candice is with me so be nice!" 

I chuckle. 

Of course, I'll be nice. I love her. I'm not pleased with her right now, but I do love her. So, obviously, they went out of town together. They've spent the day talking. (I'm a pretty clever detective, right! *wink*) Possibly, working things out. I'm sure the truck breaking down couldn't have stressed Aaron more. It's the worst timing ever.

Halfway there, Aaron calls to tell me that they are going to ride back home in the wrecker. I figured.

Once they arrive home, I walk outside and hug Candice. Hold it in Karen! Hold it in! NO TEARS DAMN IT!

I give her a smile and there's a little small talk with the wrecker dude.  I go inside to give Aaron and Candice their space.

Tuesday, July 22. Aaron spent the night with Candice at her family's home. 

She's still friends with her boss on Facebook. Today he posted a collage photo of the two of them together. And she "liked" on the post. I think about how she is sitting in the same room with Aaron while "liking" on this guy's photo of her with him. 

If the shoe were on the other foot. 

Wednesday, July 23. Aaron has not spent one second without Candice. 

She whispers to me, "Obviously, he's afraid to let me out of his sight." 

I respond, "Well I suppose he'll have to let you out of his sight sooner or later."

She whispers, "No. He doesn't have to."

It's obvious by Aaron's voice that he's just so thrilled and thankful to be in her company again. But I'm worried that he's walking on eggshells too for fear of making her mad and having her leave again.  I love her but I'm afraid she'll leave again too. And he'll be heartbroken all over again. 

I don't understand what's going on in her head.

Is this the depression? Or is this just relationship confusion? Is this fear of commitment? Or what the fuck is this?

She seems to be depressed all the time. She seems to be unsatisfied all the time. She seems to spend all of her time on the internet searching out depressing mimis that will support her depression.

As Aaron bounces around trying to please her, I'm certain that he must still be scared to death of losing her again. Why can't she see how much he loves her? And if she can see it, why doesn't it count? Why doesn't it matter? Why doesn't it encourage her? Why does she simply insist on being depressed?

She used to bounce around the house. Laughing out loud with her mouth wide open. Was she faking it all along? Maybe. But maybe that's the best way to deal with depression. Ignoring it. Push it aside. Distract yourself. It's okay to acknowledge it, but then refuse to feed it.

Obviously, I just don't get it. 

Thursday, July 24. Aaron mentions that he and Candice plan to move in to our empty apartment. I asked how things are going between them and he responds quietly, "so far, so good." He doesn't sound very sure of himself though. I ask how her parents are doing. "Better now that she's home." He takes a roll of toilet paper into his room. I'm guessing maybe she's crying. 

I remember the last break-up and she came back to Aaron with a "shopping list" of conditions. He was hesitant but agreed to everything she wanted. Stupid shit like moving away and drinking alcohol, etc. When she asked him what he wanted, he said, "just you." 

Pathetic, right! 

I wished Aaron would let ME do his negotiating!

My stomach is in knots this morning. I'm stressed for Aaron's sake. Candice's internet posts are all negative and sad. I have a horrible feeling that she's still not going to stick around. 

I hope I'm wrong but feeling sick.