Okay, let's get this over with. As soon as I publish the circumstances surrounding the "Corey drama", I can, hopefully, move on to better things.
First, introductions. I have two stepsons, Corey (now 18) and Roy Jr (now 22). My husband has maintained custody of both of them since before we began our relationship together. They lived with us and I raised them for the last 14 years. When I first met them, Corey was 4 and Roy Jr. was 8 years old.
Then, we have their mom, Raquel, aka Electra, aka Raquel Raquel, aka the absent parent. Raquel has not been involved much in the boys lives. At first, she was fairly consistent about visitation, showing up most of the time, albeit late (which would upset the boys). I recall, as Jr and Corey waited hours for her to pick them up and finally, Jr would declare, "If she doesn't show up in the next five minutes - I'm not going." I didn't know how to respond. This was my first time parenting and my first time step-parenting. On the one hand I could try to cajole them but would I only be setting them up for disappointment again, and a bigger fall? I believe in frank honesty with kids, I always have, but it was hard to know what to say and what not to say. No sense in sweet talking them when it just misleads them as well. On the other hand, I wanted to relieve their pain too. What could I say? So, most of the time, I said nothing, leaving her actions to form their relationship.
I do recall, standing in the kitchen with Jr and Corey, and somehow Raquel was brought up and I stated, "Despite what you two think, I do not hate your mother." They both laughed as if to mock me and said, "yeaaaah, riiiiight. (hahaha)" I repeated, "No. I do not hate your mom, but I do think she dropped the ball with you two.... that's all." I went on to explain (maybe trying to provide some sort of mental cushion for them), "...she's simply repeating what she knows. Your dad told me that Raquel's mother left her, her brother and sister when they were very young too. She never had a very close relationship with her mom."
About two or three years after the divorce, the boys' visits with Raquel grew further apart, and for shorter time frames (at most once every 2-3 months and those visits usually lasted only a few hours to a day). At this time she was concentrating mostly on her career in "modeling". She had moved to Austin and we were back in Victoria; she always seemed to have some good excuse now like the car broke, or she had to work, or whatever. Usually these things conversations/excuses were between her and the kids. She knew when I was home, and when I worked, and her calls came in usually while I was at work. It's funny to me now, that she's said recently, "since the boys are on their own now, maybe she'll get to see and talk to them more often." As if I had played a part in her lack of involvement, but I do take comfort knowing that the boys were there all along, and they were quite aware that I played no part in that.
I do recall, standing in the kitchen with Jr and Corey, and somehow Raquel was brought up and I stated, "Despite what you two think, I do not hate your mother." They both laughed as if to mock me and said, "yeaaaah, riiiiight. (hahaha)" I repeated, "No. I do not hate your mom, but I do think she dropped the ball with you two.... that's all." I went on to explain (maybe trying to provide some sort of mental cushion for them), "...she's simply repeating what she knows. Your dad told me that Raquel's mother left her, her brother and sister when they were very young too. She never had a very close relationship with her mom."
About two or three years after the divorce, the boys' visits with Raquel grew further apart, and for shorter time frames (at most once every 2-3 months and those visits usually lasted only a few hours to a day). At this time she was concentrating mostly on her career in "modeling". She had moved to Austin and we were back in Victoria; she always seemed to have some good excuse now like the car broke, or she had to work, or whatever. Usually these things conversations/excuses were between her and the kids. She knew when I was home, and when I worked, and her calls came in usually while I was at work. It's funny to me now, that she's said recently, "since the boys are on their own now, maybe she'll get to see and talk to them more often." As if I had played a part in her lack of involvement, but I do take comfort knowing that the boys were there all along, and they were quite aware that I played no part in that.
My husband, having been common-law married to Raquel for 10 years, is my source for the information I have heard of her. He told me that because Raquel's mother had abandoned the family, Raquel's brother grew up a family with no blood relation to him. I'm not sure exactly about Raquel's sister's upbringing, but Raquel grew up transitioning from one friend's home to another to another. Eventually, she met Roy and moved in with him and his family. She was only 15 years old when she had her first baby, and Roy was 17. Further, Roy has said that much of Raquel's family are members of the Mexican Mafia. My husband has always displayed a quite serious fear of them. I, however, and my "it will never happen to me" attitude, have always belittled his fear of them. Then came the media coverage of the arrest and conviction of her cousin of murder charges.
Roy and Raquel were together for a total of 10 years, evolving into a common law marriage. When I met Roy, he told me that he had suspected that she was cheating on him on and off throughout the years. Even so, he never caught her red-handed and because of the babies, he didn't want to leave her unless he had hard proof of her infidelity. Approximately 1995, Raquel left Roy for her then boyfriend, Felix, a local police officer. She had moved in with Felix and become pregnant with her third child (a girl). She left her eldest son, Jr, in Roy's care and kept Corey to live with her. It was just a short time later that she telephoned Roy to say that he should pick-up Corey as well; but by the time Roy arrived to take custody, Raquel had changed her mind. Roy was not going to back down this time as it was his desire for the boys to be raised together. Drama ensued and the police were called to the scene. Once the police arrived, they determined that Roy would take Corey with him, and Jr and Corey have remained in their dad's care and custody ever since.
It was during this time, Roy and I began seeing each other seriously. He had told me that they had already filed for divorce and was simply waiting on a court date. I found out several months later that this was a lie. We were traveling to his parents home and we were just down the road from their house when I asked him about the status of his divorce as it had been so long and he should have received a court date by now. He pulled the car to the side of the road and took a deep breath, followed with a confession and ridiculous explanation that, as he understood it, if he and Raquel remained separated for a period of time, then their marriage would be automatically be annulled. I assured him that was not the case, and that if he was not going to pursue a legal divorce, our relationship would end, but that either way, I did not want to force him into an unwanted divorce. He assured me that he wanted the divorce.
As money was tight, and the divorce should be a fairly simple one, I drafted a Decree using my own divorce papers and a divorce manual which included forms. The Decree stated that Roy would maintain custody with Raquel having routine visitation (as stated in most custody papers) and that she would be relieved from the duty of paying child support. Raquel was served by a process server. However, as she was not familiar with routine legal language, she decided that the papers were a trick to get her to eventually pay child support; therefore, she refused to agree to the terms in the Decree and obtained a legal-aid attorney. In response, we sought out and retained an attorney (a top of the line and expensive attorney). Roy's attorney re-wrote the Decree, this time stating that Roy would not only maintain care and custody of the boys, but would also receive child support payments from Raquel!
In court Raquel asked for custody which, based on evidence, was declined. She then asked for half of Roy's 401K benefits, again she was declined. She then asked for half of Roy's Profit Sharing benefits, again she was declined. Roy's Divorce Decree was granted (it was 2001).
Based on Raquel's lifestyle over the years, it's obvious (to me), that she never truly desired full custody of the boys; she simply wanted to ensure that she would receive some of his retirement benefits and be relieved from paying child support - but this is NOT to say she didn't love her children! She did. I just think she knew she wouldn't raise them in the environment they needed to be raised. She knew that she couldn't commit to the boys because it was her desire to pursue her dreams, dreams that did not involve taking care of a family. I never faulted her for this - but I did fault her for not maintaining consistent visitation with her children, and for playing Corey as a favorite over Jr.
Raquel went on to have her baby with Felix. They lived together for a very short while, and then she left him and her baby daughter as well.
I recall working at a lawfirm, my desk was on the second floor of an old, and very nicely remodeled courthouse. I was busy doing my work and looked up to see a very promiscuously dressed Raquel standing in front of me. My shock at seeing her was apparent and she giggled when my mouth dropped; all of the other secretaries just stared. I escorted her into a private room to talk and she asked if I would help her draw up divorce papers. Still stunned, I accepted and explained I would need a few details to incorporate into the Decree. She said she knew how awkward it was for her to approach me, given that we never really got along. Against Roy's better judgment, I drew up the Decree but never heard from her again. So, they preceded with their divorce without my help. It came to my attention later, through the boys, that the papers were drawn up giving Felix full custody of their daughter and Raquel did not have to pay child support. I assume that, after she'd learned the hard way with her first divorce, she jumped on this offer in her second divorce. And note, that although she was ordered to pay support in Roy's divorce decree, she didn't pay past the first month.
Again, I'd like to express that I have no doubt of Raquel's love for her children, and in the process of pursuing her dreams (bare with me, I have a tendency to make excuses for people, even her) she had many ups and downs, which likely included moments of torment and regret for not being a more involved parent, moments of worry over them and their situations (were they being cared for the way she would want, and so on). Obviously, this is a surmise by me based on hints here and there - only she would know her actual situation, reasons for prioritizing the way she did, and making her decisions based on whatever.
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The boys were both very easy to raise for the most part. We had ups and downs of course, but I could count on one hand how many times Jr was punished over those 14 years, and two hands for how many times Corey was punished. Though they were definitely manipulative on a whole different level than your average kid; honestly, it sometimes scared me. They would manipulate my son, Aaron, into doing things that he shouldn't and I had no way of proving they were involved. It didn't help that Aaron was the protective and naive sort that would defend the boys out of a desire to be accepted. So, consequently, Aaron would receive the majority of the discipline over the years, after all, wrong is wrong (but I did get more selective over my battles).
When I first met Corey his teeth were falling apart, literally. At four years old, his teeth were discolored (a brown and dark grey), and broken into sharp points. You could see the decay and you could see the insides of his teeth and roots were exposed. Worse, Corey had a major "sweet tooth". I remember finding him crouched in a closet with our sugar container eating it up with his fingers, and he was not in the habit of brushing his teeth daily (I would have to stand over him to be sure he would brush them). But I felt most of his dental problems stemmed from family genes and the over-use of Albuterol treatments (his dad and grandparents treated every sniffle Corey had with an Albuterol treatment - foregoing the usual over-the-counter remedies). Now, thousands of dollars later, his teeth have been removed, repaired, sealed, capped, and regrown. Whew!
In high school Corey was involved in an altercation with another boy. From Corey's perspective, this boy flung food at him and shoved him. Corey reciprocated inappropriately. The schools here have a zero-tolerance policy for this behavior, therefore landing Corey with a formal court hearing. Corey got a fine and short probationary period.
Puberity hit and Corey (15 years now) met a girl, Miranda, on the internet. Initially, I believed his hem-hawed account of knowing this girl, but later I found out he'd lied to me. (I recall another girl he'd been talking with via the internet when he was only about 11. I caught him proposing marriage to her which let me into my rant about internet safety and appropriate behavior. He blew me off. But it was then that I realized how "girl crazy" he was.) More importantly, I had a very real fear that Corey would put our family in danger because of information he would put on the internet.) Corey and Miranda arranged a personal meeting, and at this time having faith in Corey's promises, I obliged. It was all made easier for Corey, when the boys were given cellphones for Christmas (of course, Roy and I paid those monthly bills); and it came to my attention that Corey was staying up all night talking with Miranda on the phone. Miranda, by the way, had health problems that caused her to have extremely spontaneous seizures, and Corey liked being a "hero" to her. They would also playfully cut each other down calling each other "dork" and "nerd". But as she was somewhat disrespectful to me and Roy, as well as Aaron and my two younger children (Jr was already in the military and missed out on this event), we all became quite disenchanted with her rather quickly.
I recall Miranda demanding that I buy her specific foods when she was over, such as a burger and fries from a specific restaurant, and then a specific flavored ice cream from the grocery store. She would warn me that if she did not receive these specific foods she would have a seizure. I was not used to, nor did I understand, a young persons boldness and brashness. I remember her sending me to the store for Tylenol and when I returned with extra-strength, she sent me back for the "regular" Tylenol. Back and forth, back and forth, special trips to the store so she wouldn't have a seizure. Finally, I explained that if she required special and specific foods to prevent her seizures, she would need to pack those things and bring them with her as I did not want that responsibility.
I began confiscating the cellphone from Corey at night to ensure he would get some sleep for school the next day. By this time, I'd had plenty of "light bulb" moments that couldn't be ignored. This was my "girl crazy" 15 year old son, and we did not want to see him getting a girl pregnant at 15 (as his father did).
After viewing some of the texts and photos on his phone I had proof that not only were Corey and Miranda having sex, they were having unprotected sex, and there was a possibility she was pregnant. (Of note, we do have condoms in our home and I have talked to the boys about not having permission to have sex, but the condoms are there for them if they find they simply must have one.)
After talking to his father, I questioned Corey about a possible pregnancy. Corey admitted that they were intentionally trying to get pregnant. Corey explained that Miranda's rationale was that if they had a baby together, they would be connected forever. He knew it was true, and I could not argue with that logic either - it was true. We did, however, have a long talk about it, but it's hard to rationalize with a teen boy that is positive that he wants to be connected with this girl forever. All the what-ifs in the world weren't going to change his mind. Other "investigation" or "snooping" (whichever you prefer), proved that Miranda had attempted to talk Corey into lying to us and sneaking out. The deception was piling up and, eventually, Corey was grounded. This meant he was not allowed to go anywhere nor have Miranda over, he lost his cellphone privileges, and was given some additional chores. I printed out the conversations and texts between Miranda and Corey, and found pictures of Miranda on his cellphone that she had sent to him (pictures that a mother should never want taken of her daughter). Below is one of Miranda's promiscuous photos from her Myspace page - worrisome; and this is one of the more decent photos. Does her mother know?
Later, we discovered Corey had snuck in another cellphone. I never found out where he got it, but his mother or his cousin are suspect. He was now facing punishment for this deception as well. We asked for the cellphone (many times and he refused to turn it over) behaving as if it were in his pocket, so Roy and I would not realize that he'd hidden it in the bathroom. He darted around as if to protect his pocket contents. At one point, I straddled over him while Roy held his hands away from me. Because Corey was hyperventilating from crying as his world seemed to be falling apart, his dad worried that I might be constricting his breathing, but I pointed out that I was not actually sitting on him (there was air space between me and Corey) and pointed out that if I had actually been sitting on Corey then he would not be able to twist around so much - and I would not be so out of breath struggling to reach into his pocket. I confirmed that he did not have the cellphone, and exhausted with the drama - I left for work. Corey stayed home with his dad. Roy tried to talk to him, but got nowhere. Shortly after I got to work, Roy called to say that he'd found the cellphone hidden in the bathroom, and that Corey had darted out of the house and through the carport. Roy said that he had grabbed for Corey's arm, missed, and Corey slipped and fell, hitting his elbow on the concrete. We had just had a garage sale and the carport was cluttered with boxes of junk. Corey's failed attempt to flee only added to his tears, and he must have put on quite a display for his dad, as he refused to move his entire arm. Of course, Roy fell for it (he always did). Shortly thereafter, Roy called to request that I return home to take Corey to the hospital to get checked. I tried to convince Roy (to no avail) that Corey's antics were only an attempt for sympathy and that he was likely not seriously injured. I told Roy to just sit at home for 30 minutes, and if Corey was still unable to move his arm and continued his crying, then we would go to the hospital. Less than two minutes later, Roy called again, frantic and insisting that Corey needed to go to the hospital. Exhausted, I obliged. In the ER waiting room, I informed Corey that he would be responsible for paying the hospital bill (as I was convinced he was faking the injury) and it was then that Corey began rolling his arm around in large circles as if to work it the kinks. Roy groaned realizing that he'd been had. Regardless, the doctor checked him out and it was determined that nothing was injured beyond a bruise. He was given "comfort" sling to make him feel better and we returned home.
That afternoon, Raquel, along with Corey's cousin, Amanda, showed up at the door. Due to the drama earlier in the day, I asked her to wait and talk to Roy before taking off with Corey. But she became upset and demanded to see Corey. I repeated that she should speak with Roy, but she began yelling at me. Roy was on the phone with his parents explaining the events, and they too became upset as well. They immediately came to our home too. Roy tried to talk to Raquel but by now, she was beyond rational communication. Raquel called the police, and tried to have us charged with injury to a child. Child Welfare arrived and assured her that we did not do anything that wasn't within our rights as parents. Roy's parent's also began yelling at me (and I wasn't even at the house when Corey received his fake injury!). Finally, Corey left with Raquel and the drama subsided. I talked to Roy about how Raquel was simply responding to Corey's lies and sensationalism and, consequently, I did not want Corey in our home - it wasn't safe for the rest of the family. Roy agreed, and I packed Corey's things. The plan was that after Corey returned home, he would be toted off to grandma's house.
Sunday evening, Raquel returned Corey. Roy and Raquel spoke outside. When Roy came in he took Corey to his grandmother's and left him. Roy returned home and informed me that Raquel stated she had "put her family (the Mexican Mafia) on notice" and all she had to do was "make a call and they would take care of us". We didn't report the threat - after all, there was no way to prove it. Roy then decided it would be safer for us if he packed and left, but as he packed he crumpled into tears; he couldn't follow through. We covered the windows in foil and Roy put in a request to transfer out of state, then we just prayed that having Corey out of the house would keep Raquel at bay. The request for transfer fell through but the foil remains. No, I don't think foil protected us, but I did get a sense of relief that anyone outside would not be able to tell where we were in the home and would have a blind target - maybe not chance it. I know - it's a naive sense of security. I spent months watching the people around me very carefully - suspiciously. Picking up the babies from school, and worrying about the people around us and what ifs. It probably seems as if this is all very melodramatic and normally I do try to rationalize this stuff away - but base on the following facts, I remain cautiously reserved:
1) Fact! Raquel loves her children with all her heart;
2) Fact! Raquel has hated me with a passion since we first met;
3) Fact! Mother's can turn vicious when they feel their child is in danger;
4) Fact! Based on the information she received from Corey, she felt her child was in danger - and that I caused that danger;
5) Fact! Raquel's family is in the Mexican Mafia;
6) Fact! Raquel has family currently in prison for murder;
7) Fact! Raquel feels like she needs to prove her love for her children and will do anything to do so, including (by her own admission) arranging a murder;
8) Fact! Raquel made a very real and vocal threat against my life (and even Roy, who had lived along side her for 10 years, and has known her family more so than the children have, was afraid because of her threat); and
9) Fact! I am not prepared to gamble in the even slightest way with my children's lives.
I know Jr and Corey belittle her threat; they feel it's bogus. But these boys don't know her and her family as well as their dad knows them. He lived with her day in and day out for 10 years. The boys only saw her for a few hours a day, once every few months, at the most. Roy said her family doesn't need to wait for her to call, "all they have to do is be drinking...."
Later, Raquel revised her threat to be directed at me only, not my kids. But my kids and I are extremely close, and they would totally be effected if something were to happen to me. Their emotional state would be detrimentally effected if anything happened to me. They would be a complete mess and Roy would not be able to handle the situation in a healthy manner. He would even let his fear of angering Raquel, and his desire to smooth things over, put the kids in another jeapardizing situation (he's done it before). Raquel put in a written message to me on Myspace that her problem was that I injured Corey's arm and then later stated that she'd taken him to a chiropractor who stated his back was strained. Again, I wasn't even present when he'd "hurt" his arm. Further, he "hurt" his own arm by running and falling. Further, if his back was injured (and I don't believe it was as Corey never mentioned it) then it was from Corey twisting about so much - not from me sitting on him - I did not ever put any weight on him at all (if I had, he would not have been able to twist so much). Corey has never admitted to anyone the truth about what had happened that day.
The best part of this mess - the drama continued, only this time, it was at grandma's house! The grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins became so sick and tired of Corey's drama and lies as well. They witnessed it firsthand! Miranda would have temper tantrums and damaged Corey's grandparents' vehicle, stole their phone from the house, and tore their door from it's hinges. All hell broke loose when Miranda's family attacked Corey in the hospital parking lot because he still refused to stay away from their daughter. Finally, tired of the drama as well, Corey's uncle tried to physically remove Corey from grandma's house. And Raquel called me! asking me to have Roy call her right back about the drama. He and I were at the theatre, and she called requesting/begging for us to go to grandma's house and calm things down. She sent me texts stating that she "seriously doubted Corey could do anything to warrant Randy behaving the way he did." (Really? It's all of the adults causing the drama? ......really?)
Eventually, Corey became extremely unhappy at Grandma's. He would complain to his father about their bitching, and Roy would empathize, having been there himself. Roy was very easy to "play" and Corey tried to use that to his advantage. Corey began disappearing for days without telling anyone, evidently staying with friends. Corey likes to portray himself a victim and manages to gain a lot of sympathy from others before it blows up in his face.
Corey stayed with his grandparents until his graduation constantly saying how miserable he was there. At one point I explained that he could come home on certain terms: (1) there was no drama, (2) he had to confess to his mother the truth, and (3) his mother had to make amends with me (this was important because it was her behavior/threat that caused his removal in the first place. He decided he did not want to talk to his mother about the truth and would stay where he was. Playing the victim was still too sweet a deal for him.
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UPDATED: Corey graduated from military bootcamp a few weeks ago and while we planned to attend his graduation, he asked if we would bring his "girlfriend" Danielle. We did. She was a very nice girl, very pretty. He stayed for two weeks with us in our home until last Monday, when he left for Alaska (where he was based). At some point he will be leaving for Afghanistan. Everything was fairly uneventful (as I stated in my previous posting). Today, on the way home from work, my husband Roy calls to say that his parent's neighbors noticed in our local newspaper that a marriage license was purchased for Corey and Miranda. It crossed my mind that he might pull something like this. Additionally, he and Danielle had appeared to be arguing. Roy asked if I knew anything, I didn't know anything (what does he think!? That I would know his son got married and not tell him!). I only had a slight suspicion because Danielle had expressed some extreme emotions regarding Corey on her Facebook. So, he's married. I suspect he is waiting to get settled up there and then he will have her fly up to be with him. We haven't heard from her family, which I don't look forward to. They probably don't know either. They too are all extremely violent, and so I have told Roy that I don't want any of them, including Miranda, at my home. I'm sure that sounds awful to say about a daughter-in-law, but she has done a lot of damage to Corey's grandparent's home, I don't need that at my home. I have two small children to protect and we work hard to pay for what we have.
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