Tentatively improved....

So we've been doing really better with the whole communication thing.  And he understands, at least he should understand, that it is a requirement, for me, that he always be in my corner and ready and willing to defend and protect me if and when I am attacked by anyone, including but not limited to Dottie, his brother, his mother, etc.

But then, last weekend, Dottie sends a text to my phone and it goes like this:

10/8 @ 12:31a

Dottie:  "N"

10/8 @ 1:03a

Me: "What the fuck is that??!! Secret code? Bitch we’re working on our marriage and you need to stay the fuck away from my husband!"

10/8/ @ 1:20a

Dottie: "I guess u forgot ur younger days didn’t u? How easily we forget wat we do huh? Wow…do u remember urself in high school…do u? I do… easy lai! :O"

10/8 @ 1:22a

Me: "Huh? What the fuck are you talking about?"

10/8 @ 1:26a

Dottie: "Nvm…blonde moment??"

10/8 @ 1:27a

Me: "Whatever – stay away from my man, bitch!"

10/8 @ 1:28a

Dottie: "Likewise :)"

My take is it's MY marriage, MY husband, MY life! And I have the right to defend!  She sent the first text and she was wrong.

And Roy is like, "I'm not getting involved because you're both wrong!"

WHAT?!?!?! That's bullshit! He made this mess and then he's not going to stick up for me when I am defending my marriage! My family!

Typed this note on my phone last night:

"You've got to seize the moment because I still have my requirements and if you, honestly, can not bring yourself to defend me and be in my corner, then even tho you may not like the consequences, it just is what it is.  And I am virtually ready to leave the past behind and give you the love, trust, and respect a relationship should have (note, I did not say "which you have earned or deserve"), but by "virtually", I mean, only if you are not going to repeat past mistakes, but seize the moment to make conscience effort to treat me as I should.  No excuses.  It starts now.  Am I in-love, again, with just an idea I've created in my mind of how good it can be, or can this be real?  I am not going to wait another 15 years to come to terms that things have not changed, I am not even going to wait 15 days.  You blew the opportunity to prove yourself during the Dottie issue.  Is this what I can expect?  If your answer is still 'I don't know' after we have been doing so good the past few weeks, after I have been doing everything I'm supposed to, and have proven so much to you - we are either ready together, right now, or we are not.  I can not continue to invest in something more than you are willing to invest in it. This is serious Roy.  This is our relationship, our marriage, our family, our future, on the line. If this family is not going to get 100% of your effort right now, today, then it is time to come to terms with that.  You can continue to be stubborn about investing entirely in this family but its at the expense of your family - and frankly, if that's how it is for you today, then you are a disappointment and not worth my time... our time.  And that's too bad, but it is what it is.  It's always everything in your time but this involves my kids, and it involves me, and they are worth the effort and commitment, and so am I.  And if you can't do that without a doubt today, then its your lose because, today you commit now or never.  It's my line in the sand Roy, and one I can't waiver on because I deserve to be with a man who will care for me in that way.  You would want me in your corner...."

Sounds pretty cocky I think.  Am I willing to back up the words with action and then stick to it?? It's always me that breaks down crying and begging him to come back, to make things better.  I really feel like a sorry excuse for a role-model right now.  What a pathetic weakling.  Ugh!  I may not be curling up in a ball on the floor crying like a victim, literally, but it sure feels like it.

So the plan is to talk to him about this again this weekend.  I need commitment.  Hard, real, no excuses, commitment.