because it's a no-drama zone

Corey came down, I assumed for Jr's birthday, but when I'd told him he could sign the birthday card, he seemed unaware of the occasion.  Either way, everything seemed to be going fine until last night.  I received a text from Candice stating she was pretty upset with Corey.  Evidently Candice had approached Aaron for a ride home and he gave sort of a dramatic sigh in response.  Aaron had been in the middle of one of his computer games and trying to pull him away from that is like trying to pull teeth.  Candice tells Aaron, “Nevermind, I’ll just take the car.”  That would have been the end, except Corey chimes in, “Uh, that was really messed up what she said Aaron.”  This upsets Candice (and I don’t blame her).  It was a conversation that didn’t involve Corey and he’s really got to learn that if he has nothing nice to say, then he shouldn't say anything at all.

Now, shall I remind you of all the drama Corey has created in the past with his lies?  I really feel that he has had his fair share drama at this point and I am on a zero-tolerance  level with him these days. 

While he was stationed in Afghanistan, he would come home on his R&R and he would say things and tell stories that were completely untrue.  He would walk around saying things without any concern for anyone else’s feelings and with sort of a ‘chip on his shoulder’ attitude.  Roy and I would say very little in response to his behavior as we didn’t want a big dramatic fight with him, only to put him back on a plane to Afghanistan.  Normally, a parent seizes the moment to teach a child how to behave appropriately, to be polite, respectful, honest but, when your child is stationed in a war zone and you don’t know whether or not you’ll ever see him alive again, the priority changes to just keep the peace. 

Corey has finished his tour now and my priority has shifted again.  Laying down the house rules again has been a long time coming, and what do ya know – the door has opened.

Another thing I should get clear, I am not looking to get into a situation between Aaron and Candice that is none of my business.  I have in the past, and Aaron and Candice have let me know that I do need to stay out of “it” and honestly, I agree.  Life is so much simpler that way too.  What I do want to do is inform Corey that there will be no more dramatics, lies, instigating fights in the house anymore.  I want him to remember, whether it’s faked or not, he needs to show respect to me and Roy in our home.

So, I go into the room where Corey and Aaron are playing on their computers and ask what happened.  I want to know their version of events before saying anything.  You know, get it clear before I go assuming one side of the story.  Corey turns in his chair to face me and tells me the exact same thing as Candice had said in her text.  Then, I ask Corey why he felt he should have gotten involved or said anything.  I believe this put him off guard and he turned back to his computer saying, "whatever".  I inform him that if the situation doesn't involve him, he needs to stay out of it.  I told him that in my home we are not going to tolerate (anymore) any disrespect or instigating fights or drama.  He responds by saying that I am the one starting shit and accusing me of not being open to any other scenario.  I remind him that I had entered the room asking for their side of the story first - but this doesn’t sway him.  He’s already got his back up and continues to accuse me of starting shit.  I again tell him that in my house he’s going to have to show respect and that I’m very sensitive to his drama and lies because of all of the problems in the past that he had caused (I am referring to his mother threatening to have her family, who is in the Mexican Mafia, do a “hit” on us because of the things Corey had told her – all of which were exaggerations and lies).  If she hadn’t had such a deep hatred for me for the past 15 years, and if she hadn’t had family in the Mexican Mafia (and a cousin currently in prison for murder), I likely would have taken this as a “mother bear” spouting empty threats - but the facts remain.

As the disrespect continued and tensions rise, I tell Corey if he’s not going to show respect to me in my home then he will have to leave, but if he can abide by the no-drama zone rules then he can stay.  He begins gathering his things.

I go to my room to tell Roy what is happening and try to relax, but I don’t want Corey to leave without giving this all I can; so I go back.  He’s headed for the door and I ask him, “does this mean you can’t show me respect?”  He responds that I am just trying to start shit again.  I tell him again that he can stay if he can show respect and not instigate fights.  He leaves.

*

Hence the texts below,

Me (8/5/2012 @ 1:01a):

“As I said Corey, you are welcome as long as you can be respectful and not instigate. 

But you were being disrespectful to me in my home - and you were extremely ugly to me and your dad about the car before leaving for Afghanistan too.

It was unnecessary the way you talked to us/me. You need to be able to talk without being disrespectful.

You need to acknowledge that you put your 2 cents in a conversation between Aaron and Candice that you should have stayed out of. Maybe you realize that now.

Your dad and I have walked on eggshells around you because we wanted to avoid a fight, but this is our home and we are not going to allow you to come here and start problems and be rude again.”

COREY (8/5/2012 @ 1:15a):

“Nah it's koo I got my own crib. Yeah lying to me about not driving my car then complaining because I wouldn't let y'all drive my car when im gone damn right I'm going to be disrespectful, I said one thing as a joke only think I realize is people cant take a joke. I don't give a flying fuck if it's your house or not a little something I learned growing up, treat others the way you want to be treated. U want to be  disrespectful then expect me to bite my tongue? Hah! Treated how u treated me and now you don't like it. Hahaha. Maybe ull think twice before u make stupid ass comments. Maybe u realize that now.”

ME (8/5/2012 @ 1:32a):

“Corey, you've got a lot of growing up to do..... I'm disappointed.

But I can't have you in the house until you can communicate with me in a respectful and honest way because you've caused a lot of problems with your lies. 

You'll be in my prayers.”

COREY (8/5/2012 @ 1:36a):

“Yep obviously growing up in your house isn't good enough it takes me getting out on my own to pick up the slack. Lmao with my Lies? Ahahaha I got nothing to lie about. Do yourself a favor a pray for yourself. You need it.”

*

So, I really feel the texts speak for themselves.  It's sad really because he obviously has not made it to that mindset or maturity where he can accept responsibility for his actions.  He's always played the "victim card" and he seems to enjoy the attention and sympathy he gets from it.  Personally, that's a weakness in my eyes - maybe because I have been there in my life too.  And just as I learned to take responsibility and experienced the negativity melt away, I don't believe that he will truly be free of the negative drama until he can take responsibility for it.  I don't know if he ever will.