Squatters

We've had Jr home since December and all he's done is talk, talk, talk about what he might want to do, but he's not moving forward at all.  At first, we were very sympathetic because (a) he'd been through so much during his two tours (the first in Iraq and the second in Afghanistan), and he's had a lot to get his head wrapped around (poor baby, dealing with nightmares and the death of so many friends, as well as his own narrow escape of a bombing on his military base - he literally crawled out from under collapsed walls); and (b) he'd been going back and forth, struggling with his relationship with his girlfriend.  But now, things seem to be calming down for him so Roy and I, both, really feel it's time he make proactive steps forward toward his future.

Then we have Aaron.  Who had been doing absolutely wonderful.  He'd had a good job, making good money in the oil field.  A wonderful, healthy relationship with his girlfriend.  He not only attends church regularly, but he is a youth leader and very active within the church.  He's so tight with his money that he's built up a very nice "nest egg".  But, two weeks ago, he was laid-off.  Okay, well, that sort of comes with the field, and we understood when he wanted to just relax for a while as he was entertaining the idea of returning to college.  But it's been two weeks, and again, Roy and I both, feel it's time he get off his bootay - and off his computer games - and begin moving toward his future - independent of us.

The question I've been contemplating is - how does a parent "encourage" their adult male children to move out on their own without completely pissing them off at the same time? Honestly, I'm not exactly sure it can be done in my situation.

So, I turn to Google...

and I found these links! → eHow link and eHow link and Link and Link and Link and Link and Link

Options! I'm a big fan of recognizing and considering all of our options.  Everybody has options - no matter how destitute you feel, you always have options.

Option 1:  Let them stay as long as they please...... (I break out into uncontrollable laughter)

Option 2: Gentle (almost subliminal) nudges (which we are doing, but to date, have not gotten them any closer to moving out).

Option 3:  Completely and totally pissing them off to the point they leave and go wherever the wind takes them (and then we're all stressed out until it too blows over).

Option 4:  Make them completely uncomfortable.  (Move them out of their individual, private rooms, and into the living area or some other inconvenient space.)

Option 5:  Try some of the ideas on the links above.  (Something like, charging them rent and giving them a "goal" move-out date.... which I suspect, they would simply laugh in my face at the mere mention).

I feel bad - I love these guys and I don't want them feeling rejected or unwanted.  But, all of my life, my goal was to raise them to be strong, self-sufficient, honest, respectful, and independent.  I've seen grown children borrowing money over and over again from their (broke, retired, and aging) parents because these "adults" can't get there shit together.  The last thing I want to happen is for my sons to become moochers!  They are so much better than that!

And then the flip side - I have a friend who, along with her husband and three children, moved in with the parents and never left.  And, as it turns out, it works for them.  Maybe, we could add-on to our home and just live together, shoulder-to-shoulder, happily ever after (but they would help with the bills, of course).  If this is going to be the case, then it's just a matter of getting my head wrapped around the idea; but, honestly, I doubt this is the scenario the boys are shooting for.  So, what am I worried about?  I can barely take two weeks of waiting - much less another year or two more.

All I'm asking is for some semblance of effort to become independent (soon) - a plan, a job, a savings, a wedding date.....