In the news today, I read an article about a father's letter to his children reprimanding their life choices/paths. It follows:
Disappointing, although not surprising, to see that his children have responded by "biting back" rather than seizing the moment to shine. However, I do not know what their personal circumstances are, whether there is a total disrespect for their parents, or whether their parents are overly judgmental and harsh on their children, etc. My response is regardless of their circumstances as my response is, of course, personally subjective. I applaud Mr. Crews', simply for his very articulate reprimand because it could apply to so many people today. It is very apparent, to me, in this letter that Mr. Crews' loves his children and holds them in very high regard, maybe more so than they hold themselves; otherwise, a parent doesn't take this sort of time, initiative, and "gamble" with the relationship to make these expressions of higher expectations. It seems to me that there are more and more parents who fail to communicate to their children for fear of upsetting their child (I know one of these parents very personally). They are more worried about being friends with their children than parenting and guiding them. But I too am guilty of carefully tip-toeing through my words so as to express them without offending my child, only to wonder later about whether or not it was effectively received. What has happened to the days when a parent was comfortable enough in their relationship with their child to express their frustration in conjunction with the corresponding emotion(s), and maybe even administer the spanking or punishment as deemed appropriate.
In my work as a legal assistant in a law firm which specializes in criminal law, I see, far too often, parents who have not spent the time and effort guiding, educating, admonishing, and communicating high expectation for their children. It's not until their child is in trouble with the law and sitting in jail that they make their "parental" presence known. And then I find myself completely stunned by a parent who behaves in that way that you should not want your child to behave. These arrogant parents boast intimidating and violent threats which are then mimicked by their children, and then they all are completely puzzled as to why all of the negative energy is focused on them.
So many "crybabies" embracing their self-proclaimed victimness rather than responding to their oppositions, transgressors, and criticisms with a kindness, open-mindedness, honesty, and general sweetness that transcends the seemingly "natural" response of aggression.
Are we raising a world of tyrannical heirs waiving victim cards? It can be attractive to a young person who finds him/herself reprimanded by family or parents, to search out sympathizing enablors who, without much question or factual knowledge, validate via empathy. Can this be a good thing? Why not the more gallant but more difficult to muster response which also echos it's support group? It's unfortunate that we may never have the entire world on our side, but which pasture of patrons do you prefer?
This brings to mind a Facebook friend who expressed a desire to say what was truly on her mind rather than biting her tongue over and over again. Have you ever "turned the other cheek" only to be haunted later by a feeling that you were not "true to yourself"? Wondering maybe, if you had spouted the initial negatively articulated admonishment you longed to get off your chest, that you would feel more vindicated? And then, in the alternative, have you ever found yourself having spouted spite only to regret this too in shame? Rather to sit a spell, gather your emotions, concerns, and effective words so as to express yourself in a more responsible, respectable, and receptive manner.
Often times the best and more rewarded response is the hardest one to muster.
As Strother Martin famously drawls in Cool Hand Luke, "What we got here is failure to communicate."
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