STEP ONE: I'm angry. For SIX YEARS they've dated and for at least the last three, she's been begging for him to marry her. He was in school and after he'd started a new job. He wanted to build his savings before starting a family. He didn't want to be on welfare or asking the parents for help. He had a plan. But everyone - including Candice - knew those plans were all about Candice! He's mourning Mema's passing and she decides to call it off. Call off the engagement and date her BOSS!? WTF! Of course I'm angry! Who does that? And she is not that type of girl but here she is acting like she is! How do I defend that? How do I explain that? How does this sweet woman of God treat Aaron, who she loves, who loves her, who's in the middle of mourning his Mema's death, so horribly?? Kick him while he's down? How on earth does she rationalize that that behavior is okay?
STEP TWO: I'm frustrated. I want to go find her. I want to put that girl in my car and drive off someplace alone and force her to explain what the hell she's thinking. I want to make her talk until we figure it all out! But this isn't about me. And I have to stay out of it. I have to behave the way Aaron would want me to behave. I have to take the high road and keep my mouth shut when really I just want to tell her things that will make her hurt the way that she has made me and Aaron hurt. The high road sucks sometimes.
STEP THREE: I'm confused. She's not like this. She's not! Something is going on with her. It must be. Because this is not who she is. She loves Aaron. I know that she does. She wanted to marry him. She seemed so happy when we went shopping for the dress and the venue. I knew she was emotionally up and down but she seemed to be handling it okay. I can't stop shaking my head because things just don't make sense. Everyone wants answers and I don't know what to say. And I've pushed her away now, so she's not talking to me at all.
STEP FOUR: I'm grief-stricken. Because the word "sad" just doesn't cover how completely devastated we are! I sit in the shower and bawl like a baby. I hate that she's gone. I hate that she's rejected us. I hate seeing my son so heartbroken. I hate seeing the tears well-up in his eyes. I want to hold him. I want to cry with him. He's so completely sad. He doesn't eat. He doesn't sleep. He's having chest pains. He went to the doctor and they ran tests, then put him on an anti-depressant and an anti-anxiety medicine. I didn't know they'd put you on both! Googled it and now I realize that they are two very different things with different symptoms and different meds to treat each.
STEP FIVE: I'm understanding. I have a daughter too! I love Candice like a daughter! I can't blame her for realizing that she's not ready to marry. I mean, I can but I can't. It's circumstances, ya know. It's good that she's able to recognize that she's not ready to marry. I just wish she'd handled things differently. I just wish she hadn't run into a relationship with her boss right after breaking up with Aaron. I wish she'd taken this time to be alone with herself. I wish she hadn't rejected her parents. Eventually, she admitted to Aaron that there was flirting between her and her boss. I knew she'd had a crush on her boss a long time ago. I also know that there were text messages between them that she didn't want Aaron to see. Hey, if she doesn't love Aaron then the LAST thing I want is for her to marry him. She can go. But don't continue to hurt him over and over again.
STEP SIX: I'm rejected. I know this isn't about me but it's hard to not feel completely rejected too. She posts things like, "I left when I realized that I deserved better" and "I am headed for such a better future now because I didn't settle." Stabs. All stabs in the heart and in the gut. We're not good enough for her? Aaron's not good enough for her? Was it something I said? Was it that our home is in such disarray? I know Aaron wasn't perfect. We all have things we need to work on (so did she)! We will all have things to work on and improve until the day we die! But he did not deserve this! Not in the middle of mourning Mema's passing. He had a right to get comfortable and secure in the relationship. That's what we are supposed to work for. We shouldn't have to spend the rest of our lives trying so hard to impress our spouse. She was supposed to be supportive of him during his time of need. She was supposed to be loyal. Post after post she stabs us in the heart over and over again. Why couldn't she just leave and then block us both from seeing the hurtful posts. If she had ever loved him/us, she would not continue to hurt him/us.
STEP SEVEN: I'm faithful. God has a plan. Breathe. This is probably necessary. For both of them! Things have a way of working out. Breathe. Time heals. He'll eventually get stronger and he'll be happy again one day - with or without her. Then I'll be happy again. Breathe.
STEP EIGHT: Now, go back to the top and repeat the emotions again.
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