The worst meditation has got to be the first meditation. Today, I officially did my first. I ran a warm bath to soak and relax, complete with my Bath & Body White Citrus fragrant bubbles. I set my timer for 15 minutes, sat up straight getting into position, I concentrate on my breaths.
In and out, one.
In and out, two.
In and what the heck did I say to get them so pissed off? I was just defending mom! No! Shift focus back to my breaths!
In and out, three.
In and, ugh! Itch on my back. I scratch it and try to get back back to the meditation.
In and out, four.
In and out, five.
In and tears are making there way down my cheeks. Should I apologize? I don't feel like I said anything wrong. I think they completely missed my point. They are never receptive of me. Is it that they just can't imagine receiving anything constructive from me? I've got to be the dysfunctional sister in their eyes. Bullshit! Six years Erica and I didn't speak. Is that where she's taking it again? I seriously am not going to worry about it this time, if she is. She had been confiding in me and, now, had I betrayed her some how?
I wipe my face clean. How long has it been? How much more meditation time do I have? This is so not easy.
Breathe in, breathe out, six.
In and out, seven.
In and out, eight.
In and out, nine.
Breathe in peace, breathe out stress.
Breathe in peace, breathe out stress.
They pretty much gutted her. Is she empty? How will that feel after having so much removed at one time? Will her stomach be flatter? Focus! Focus!
Breathe in, breathe out.
Think of nothing. Focus on my mind's eye, maybe. I need to blog more information on meditation.
Breathe in and out.
In and out.
I love my sisters. I really do. Maybe I should send them a text? Tell them what I love about them? Tell Brenda that I am so grateful for her strength? That I envision her standing between me and Erica, her arms around us, and together we are such a strong force. Nothing can shake us. Tell her Erica beautiful she is. How much I've always admired her. How much I value her friendship. Tears again. Ugh!
Breathe in, breathe out.
Maybe I should do nothing. Just sit back and see what happens.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Breathe in, breathe out.
If I approach Erica, she will likely just reject me anyhow. Let it go.
Breathe in, breathe out.
This has got to be the worst meditation ever! Maybe I should blog about this.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Another itch. I check the time. Five more minutes, but I am so done.
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