Funeral arrangments

I was directed by my sisters to meet them at Erica's home so that we could make runs today to prepare for funeral arrangements. We rode together in Brenda's car to the funeral home to meet with the director, Richard.  We set out the details about mom for her obituary and then Brenda and Erica choose the casket. We discuss a photo collage board, floral arrangements, memorial cards, met with Pastor Shamburger and then left for the cemetery to meet with the director there and talk about the arrangements and seating for the graveside memorial. From there, we went to moms to look for photos for the memorial collage. Back up now...

Previously (and before mom's passing), Aunt Carolyn had asked that we get pictures of mom to her so that she could complete a memorial card that she was keeping herself busy with because in mom's last days, Aunt Carolyn couldn't bring herself to visit as often (it was just too hard on her). Well, I searched in mom's amours, dresser, and bedside table, to no avail. Pictures of mom were scarce and this is no surprise as mom hated having her photo taken.  She did, however, have a few photos that she (must have) approved because she'd framed and hung them on a wall next to her bed. They included snapshots of her as a baby, a young child, a teen, a young woman, and a married couple.  As these photos were perfect for Aunt Carolyn to complete her project, I simply took the framed pictures from the wall.  I did report this to my sisters so that they would all be on the same page, in case Aunt Carolyn had asked them too for photos.  They thanked me for taking care of that, and that was that - until, flash forward now...

We are sitting in mom's living room having arrived so that we could retrieve photos for a collage board. I'm thinking to myself that I couldn't find any other pictures, but I do believe some more exist and maybe Brenda or Erica knows where they are. 

Erica empties mom's luggage filled with multiple moomoo's and spreads them out for us to choose one to bury mom in.  Brenda and Erica quickly eliminate several. Erica makes a game of it, stuffing several into the luggage and having me and Brenda pull one out without looking - narrowing it down more. She stuffs the last few into the luggage again, I pull one without looking and she immediately decides that it concludes the game. Brenda scoffs at the game but I defend Erica saying, "It made it fun."

We all relax in the living room for a breather and it's quiet.  I decide to seize the moment as I have something to say that has been worrying me.  I tell them that it is really important to me that things just sort of calm down and get back to normal before we begin distributing mom's estate too quickly.  (This because, after dad died, I was upset that Brenda and Erica seemed to "hawk" around picking and choosing their "inheritance" from mom's property. It was all too quickly and I remember thinking then that dad was not even "cold in the ground yet" and they were scavenging.) Erica explains that she is fine with waiting because her kids would not be out of school for another week yet and she didn't want to be busy with the division until after that.  Brenda complied as well, stating that they had a family vacation planned, so it would be two weeks before she was ready to begin the process.  In my mind, I'd been hoping for a year but knowing this would anger them, thought I'd ask for only three months for starters; instead, I respond, "yeah, but I don't think ya'll understand, I'm going to need more time than just a few weeks."  I don't think it's unreasonable or irrational to take at minimum a few months to deal and mourn the death of a parent; however, one would have thought I'd been asking for the moon. Erica angered quickly and spouted that I "just like to chew on things." 

"I don't think mourning mom's death is 'chewing on things' Erica."

Still frustrated, she sarcastically adds, "Well, is it okay if I go find the pictures?"

I can't say that I didn't see this coming.  Initially, I had planned to make this announcement after our running was done because I did expect this sort of response.  A healthy communication in our family (especially one that involves me because no one seems to be open to my ideas, suggestions, and rational) is virtually non-existent.  "Really Erica? Are we going to be sarcastic about everything now? The pictures are why we came here to begin with. I don't think that your sarcasm is necessary."

She rises with a huff and exits the room to get the photos.  When she returns, she has a box of envelopes and immediately informs us, "Well, either you took all the photos of mom or they just don't exist!" Okay, now she is being accusatory and my feelings are hurt. I feel like a damn baby because the tears are flowing, but I've already been on edge with mom's death and now this...

I sit; crying quietly and staring away from them in effort to judge becomes the couch. Erica begins making piles of the folders, one for each of us. Our names are written on the outside of each and Erica is assuming they contain, among other things, letters written by mom addressed to each of us.

We gather our things and leave.  I just want to go home but they drop off the moomoo we selected for mom to be buried in, and then head for the floral shop. In route, we stop off at a dentist office as Kaitlyn is getting her tooth implants today.  I try to regain composure and then get tearful again - on and off the rest of the afternoon.

Finally at Erica's, I let her know that there are two checks that need to be signed.  The first is mom's water bill, and the other is a credit card that has a rather large balance due to the ambulance rides, Aunt Carolyn's parking at M.D. Anderson, and about $100 spent at Sam's Club.  She inquires about same, I explain, she signs, and I am off - finally!